In case you haven't noticed...

I failed at BEDA.

Please don't judge me for it.

I was planning to catch up, but there is little to no chance of that happening now.

Coming soon:

Lancaster Uni (or any uni really) Freshers' Guide - From the Viewpoint of Someone Who Didn't Drink During Her Freshers' Week.

The second half of my coming out story.

A few high school stories.

Video game nostalgia.

I will also be continuing with this:

30 Day Song Challenge Day 6 - A Song By Someone You'd Like To Marry.

What a weird thing... but I went with this

Charlie McDonnell - A Song About Love

BEDA 6: Coming Out 1

So I went to Liverpool Pride with my mum today. I wore my rainbow eyelashes, we marched, we bought rainbow scarfs and got rainbow lips temporarily tattooed on our chests. We met a lovely lesbian called Rose in the march and we compared our coming out stories, as well as actual tattoos and battle scars.
For those of you who don't know, I'm bisexual.
When I think about it, I think I knew at about age 11, although I didn't really understand anything there. I had a huge crush on Emma Watson in the first Harry Potter. Now, at my current age that would be weird, but I was 9 and she was 11, so that's totally acceptable.

At 13 I told one friend. This one friend told one of her friends (who was kind of my friend,but not so much) and either this conversation was overheard, or she was just a bitch who told everyone. Either way, the entire school knew within about a day, and my life would never be the same again.
At my school, children were mean. Bullying was something they did on a daily basis, and homophobia was just another excuse to make someone else feel bad. The comments I could ignore, but the general dickheadedness of some of the people I had no choice but to put up with was appaling. The teachers did their best, as they did with all bullying cases - but when there are an awful lot of bullying students and only one victim, it's usually easier to try and remove the victim than the bullies.
I spent my breaks sat in a classroom with a couple of my friends, until the head decided to not allow students inside buildings during breaks and I was only allowed the one friend. At that point Donna became my best friend, because she hated the wind and rain we experienced in England almost daily anyway.
There were times when I wished that I could undo my telling people, make it so that nobody knew anymore, remove all memories they had of something that made me an easy target. But that would be lying to myself. Telling everyone may have made life difficult in the short term, but in the long term I am much more accepting of myself and it's so much easier to now say to people 'Yeah, I like both'.

Nowadays my friends care so little that they often forget about it until I go and try to pull women because 'I'm sick of men at the moment!'. It affects their lives so little that it doesn't concern them on a daily basis. Nobody from school was ever directly affected by the fact that I also liked women, but they chose to let it concern them on a daily basis and I feel sad for their sad lives if that is something that they make a conscious choice to do.
Also, I'm sure a lot of the girls were too busy being scared that I fancied them to realise that their boyfriends probably enjoy lesbian porn and would be happier if they were bisexual.
As is the closed minded way of life.




30 Day Song Challenge Day 5: Favourite Slow Song
Butterfly in the Breeze - Eddplant

BEDA 5: There is a moth...

and it is terrorising me.

My room has been tidied recently, and now suddenly there are moths all over the place. My mum smacked one against my arm the other day and now it seems that its big brother is going to make me pay for it for the rest of my life.

It keeps disappearing though. It'll come to fly at my head and scare me and then disappear till tomorrow; when it will gain great happiness in doing it all over again. Obviously I can't be sure that its the same one, but the curtains are closed, so it must be.

I'm usually not scared of tiny little animals like this. I take pride in being the person in the house who will remove the spider from the bath and have had countless arguments about animals that I'm not scared of. Moths aren't scary if they're out of the way and minding their own business, but if they're in my bed, casting shadows when circling my light or flying at my head - they're not welcome.

My mum has offered to get rid of it for me, and did come in with a towel when I ran out of my room (held back the screaming) yesterday because it hit me twice in the head, but it disappeared. It's just climbed up towards my light and jumped at me. I flailed my arms widely and then it disappeared again.

Once again I am paranoid that it's going to kill me in my sleep or something.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 4: Newest/Most Modern Song You Love

Give Me Everything - Pitbull

BEDA 4: The (Not So) Little Girl I've Known A Long Time

We've all had the same treatment from a distant family friend, or an old primary school teacher, who hasn't seen you in years. You've grown up as time has gone on but the last time they saw you, you were 'only as big as [my] knee!' You get the typical 'My, how you've grown' and you just look at the person with a puzzled expression, silently thinking 'Well of course I have, that's how time works!'

I'm sure its something we've all experienced from one end, the other, or both. And it's not until you do experience it from both ends that the puzzled expression fades and you empathise with how they feel.

Picture this: it's 2002, I'm 10 years old and all of the year 6's have taken a course to become 'buddies' for the reception students - although only a certain few get to do it everyday. Although you're supposed to look after a group of a few students, we all tended to take one under our wing.

My 4 year old was the cutest little girl with a blonde bob who was oh-so-quiet but knew how to run. The best part of a year was spent trying to catch her, making sure she spoke up to integrate with the other children and just generally being her friend.

Fast forward to the present day. A couple of weeks ago I saw her in her high school uniform. She's 13. It's been 9 years, but it feels like no more than 9 weeks. I saw her a couple of times and actually played Wii boxing with her on one occasion (she got stroppy because I beat her; some things don't change) but for the most part of 9 years we've just been living on the same street, not the friends we used to be. She's a young woman now, with friends she has to get a bus to see and her GCSE exams coming up in the next two years. But in my head she's still 4, and I can't believe how quickly she's grown up.

I finally understood it. And 5 days after I saw her I ran an old family friend of my mother's; who I hadn't seen for years. She couldn't believe I had already been away and done a year at uni, because to her I was only about 7... And I didn't roll my eyes, I didn't act confused, I totally got how she felt; how old I must make her feel just for having lived as long as I have.

I know that if I told my teenaged 4 year old that I still think of her as being so little from back when I was her 'buddy' and can't believe how she's grown; she'd look at me funny and just shrug it off as something adults say. But one day she'll understand; one day it'll be her.

30 Day Song Challenge Day 3: Oldest Song You Love (I really struggled with this, as I don't know what came out when! So I went with the oldest Beatles song in my iTunes)

Love Me Do - The Beatles

BEDA 3: Mini's Misleading Dream Diary

I never understand any of my dreams, and I'm certainly not analysing them in any kind of Freudian context, we all know he was a weirdo.

My dear friend Sarah was taken into hospital with some medical condition that I don't remember. Her parents couldn't get down to see her so I played the good friend and went to visit her everyday so she wouldn't be alone. The issue was that the hospital was also a school and practically a maze inside, so I got lost on the way to go see her.

She was also told that she was well enough to go a cooking class within the hospital/school, but needed a chaperone, so I went with her to that as well. We came in late and had to take the only remaining pair of seats over the other side of the room as quietly as we could (and if you've met Sarah, you'll know that's not easy ;) ).

The little girl sat next to Sarah was wearing an Esther bracelet, so I started to chat to her about Nerdfighteria for a little while and then her chaperone arrived and it was my friend Dan. I chatted to him and we interrupted the class and were almost thrown out.

Go on then, psychoanalyse my stupid dreams!

Also, it is Esther day today, have you told your family you love them?

30 Day Song Challenge Day 2: Favourite cover song

Behind Blue Eyes - Limp Bizkit

BEDA 2: Mothers and Make-Up (Forum Hatred)

I spend far too much time frequenting The Student Room (or TSR as it will be known from now on). In a thread in which some odd person asked if women would teach their daughters how to shave 'downstairs', somebody compared this to a mother teaching her daughter how to put on make-up.

I am not for mothers teaching their daughters how to shave; but I was disgusted to find that this girl thought it was so wrong to teach your daughter how to put on make up.

My mother rarely wears make-up, so I had to figure out how to apply make-up by myself and through advice from my friends. My mum would always tell me if my make-up looked stupid, but she couldn't tell me how to apply things like foundation and powder, because she had never worn it for herself. In fact, I ended up showing her how to apply bronzing powder when her friend bought her some for her birthday.

The girl on the TSR's reasoning for it being wrong for mothers to teach their daughters to apply make-up is that a mother should not influence her style like that. She should figure it out herself by making her own mistakes and learning what she likes and what looks good. I agree that she should have to learn what looks good herself, but there is nothing wrong with a mother ensuring her daughter does not look like a clown with block eyeshadow, does not have an orange face and keeps her lipstick within the lines of her lips. Just because my mother is helping me does not mean that I will do whatever she says in regards to what I was going to wear; I am perfectly capable of picking things for myself and having her show me how to apply them effectively. Like I have mentioned, I didn't have this luxury as my mother was not really a make-up wearer herself; and I didn't have a big sister either. I would have loved to have been taught how to apply make-up properly when I was younger to save me some of the style disasters that I thought were the result of proper application until a friend showed me otherwise.

Basically what I'm saying - in a rambling sort of way - is that mothers should teach their daughters to apply the make-up that their daughters have chosen to wear. However, the good people of TSR would not have accepted this as a post, especially as the topic of the thread was about shaving and not make-up.

30 Day Song Challenge (another thing I'm doing here) Day 1: Favourite song with a colour in the title.

All In White - The Vaccines

BEDA 1: Welcome to BEDA

BEDA: Blog Every Day August. Basically, after it being so long since my last post; I decided to (attempt to) post everyday in August. They'll not be as long, carefully written or structured as you're used to; but there will be an awful lot of them (31, to be exact).

Preview of what's to come:

• Mini's Misleading Dream Diary - details of weird dreams posted when I run out of ideas rather than when they happen
• Forum Hatred
• John Green #3
• Coming Out Stories (yes, plural)
• And actual real life observations made in my actual real life.

August starts here, let's see if I can hold your interest.

(And no, you can't punish me for not updating).