Advice

Have you ever asked someone for advice about something that you've already made up your mind about?

I'm sure we've all done it at least once. But I swear I've done it at least twice in the last month.

Anyone who knows me personally (probably most of you reading this) will know that I had to change my minor earlier in the year. I had a lot of trouble with this because I just didn't know what I wanted to do and there were plenty of people pointing me in different directions that I wasn't sure I wanted to go. I ended up settling on philosophy because I had done it before. For pretty much the last 4 years in fact.

First I tried for psychology in education, because my major is in psychology so it was an obvious choice. But, because I had left it so late, the course was full. I left her my details and she said that she would email me if any places became available on the course which is when I started to look towards the philosophy department.

I got myself enrolled on philosophy, I purchased a reading pack, I caught up on half of the lectures that I'd already missed and then I received an email from the woman in psychology in education - someone had dropped out; there was room for me.

I was struck with indecision. On the one hand I had wanted to do this because it just meant more psychology and I was essentially only studying one subject instead of having to do two. But on the other hand I had spent the preceding week immersing myself back into philosophy and working extra hard to catch myself up. I guess in my head I felt that I had put in too much work to give it up and have to do the same in another subject.

But I did what I did in all situations like this, I called my mother.

I told her what had happened. I explained the two options that I now had and how far I was into my philosophy. I said that I didn't want to waste the week of extra work I had done and I definitely didn't want to do the same again; but the idea of only doing psychology was still one that was very attractive to me. My mum showed a slight bias to me changing to psychology in education.

What I hadn't told her is that I had already typed a reply to the email from the psychology in education woman which read 'It's fine I have already started another minor, feel free to give the place to another student. Thank you.' and I had just decided to consult her before I pressed send. I had pretty much already made up my mind but spoke to her about it.

I did something very similar for a much less important decision a few days ago. I pre-ordered Charlie McDonnell's album in the bundle with Alex Day's from DFTBA records (http://dft.ba/Charlie). I got the order through to the PayPal stage ready to click confirm and then consulted mum about it.

I guess it links back to what I said just before I left for uni about spontaneity (http://dft.ba/-Spontaneity). I've not quite reached the stage where I can be spontaneous. I can make my mind up about a decision very quickly, but then I will seek help to back me up.

Maybe it stems from a fear of being wrong or a fear of failing and the idea that if I consult someone on a decision and they back me up then I can apply some of the blame to them for what went wrong. (I have to stress that it is only some of the blame, after all, I had already made the decision).

And if the person I asked didn't back up my decision, well, I'd have probably moved on to someone else.

It was on an episode of Scrubs where JD asked Turk if he thought it was a good idea to do something that he had actually already done. It almost becomes a joint decision if someone is backing you up, even if that wasn't in place when you made the decision.

I guess I need an extra little push to be spontaneous.

Mini fact: I joined the pool team. Does this count? It's pretty scary because I'm largely bad at pool.

Spontaneity

My mum got a tattoo today. She's been threatening to do it for ages but she just went today and got it done. Her best friend was going to get the shading done on her tat and my mum just rand up to see if she could have one as well. She now has a ladybird - little bit bigger than life size - on her left shoulder.

She turned 42 on Monday.

It was a very spontaneous thing for her to do. I've always been one to air on the side of caution and not jump into things but if she had done that today then she wouldn't have a beautiful tattoo. The most impulsive thing I've done recently was decide to leave some of my books at home rather than pack them to take them to uni - and this wasn't that impressive because I had already packed them and have had to unpack them. The only other thing that I can think of is when I submitted my choices for my uni modules and had to choose my minor for the first year. I had a lot of indecision for a while and then I decided I would go with creative writing and submitted it before I changed my mind again. But even this was due to my mother - I told her my options and she thought it was a good idea.

I know from my last 18 years that I'm one to change my mind a lot so I think it'd be a huge leap for me to do something as permanent as get a tattoo because I'd be too worried that I'd most likely end up hating it in a couple of years - which is one of the most disastrous things you could do. I mean I can still change my mind about the books again before I go to uni. I can come back home and pick them up if I need them. I have the first three weeks of term to change my minor if I don't like it.

I think spontaneity is a good thing as long as you do it properly. Most decisions should be thought through properly, especially if they're going to have some bearing on the rest of your life. But if you've already decided to do something like this, why not just spontaneously decide to go and get it done while nobody is expecting you to.

I plan to do something spontaneous during freshers week. Watch this space.