Post-hoc poetry.

I had an idea for a new sub-anthology, details will follow if it actually gets anywhere. It's 13 poems, all based (loosely) around certain things that have happened at uni. I don't want to give too much away in case I decide I hate them all after they're written and they never see the light of day (although the first two that I wrote have been shown to one of my best friends).

Problem is, the idea came afterwards. I'm writing poetry post-hoc and it's causing some problems with dating and ordering the poems in the anthology.

I've tried to order them chronologically based on when the original events happened. This has taken some time and pouring over my diary trying to figure out what nights out happened when and when certain information become public and it's not been easy trying to put events with times.

But I think I've managed it, the last date just fell into place; remembering being filled in about the details of a weekend when I wasn't at uni.

I date my poetry. I've said this before in my post that was purely about poetry, and the date I include is usually the date that the poem is written in first draft form. But these poems are different.

The question I have is: Do I date the poems based on their first draft completion, or do I give them the date from when the event they're based on happened?

I could just include both, but that seems like a cop out. If you have any thoughts, please let me know.

Re: Tattoos

I haven't blogged in over a month, so I decided to do a quick one to fill you in on the flash of inspiration I just had.

As you'll see below, I got a tattoo last month. It's almost totally healed and now I want another one. I was warned this would happen; everyone who has a tattoo says how addictive they are and I have to say I understand what they mean.

I sort of made a decision. I'm slightly sleep deprived so I'm writing it down so I don't forget but also to ask your opinions (even if I don't end up paying attention to them). I think I decided what to get next.

I wrote a poem (I do that: http://dft.ba/-postaboutpoetry) a while ago. Writing is a process that takes me a long time. I write and then I edit and re-write and sometimes I throw everything out and start again. It's torturous. I date my poems so I can remember what stage of my life I was at, but the date included is the date they were first written. If I kept datestamps of revisions I'd have more words in the footer than in the body of the poem.

The only thing that is free of this process in terms of my creativity is this blog. It's written and posted often before I have the chance to subject it to any kind of editing process. I rarely read back a blog post and if I do I tend to change things, which isn't really what I want to do. My blog is supposed to be a raw experience of me and my search for myself - not an edited version of what I think reflects me best.

My Lonely Little Girl carries the datestamp of 24/11/2007. It's almost finished. Or rather it's almost to the point where I would be happy to publish it. Publishing is something that both excites and terrifies me - to share my creativity with the world is always something that I would like to do but at the same time once it's out there in print then no further editing can take place. It's stuck like that. People have already read it as it is and if you change it they'll just get annoyed with you.

If you've read the poem you may have noticed the changes in different versions if I kept you up to date - or notice differences between the version you read and the final version if I didn't. There is a pretty strict rhyme structure which I've agonised over trying to keep while also maintaining good grammar but I think it's almost there.

As you can see from the title, the poem is about a 'lonely little girl', which is all I'm telling you about the poem - you'll have to wait and read it. The idea I had was when I decide that it is finished and have a final version which I will look to get published, I would get a tattoo. Because I'm addicted and because I just had the idea.

A silhouetted figure of a little girl.

A little skirt, pigtails, maybe holding a balloon; I haven't decided on the specifics, I only had the inspiration half an hour ago. I just fell in love with it as an idea. As for the placement, well I haven't decided that yet either. I want to steer clear of my spine for the time being till I'm a little more brave so that puts the original idea of the back of my neck between my shoulders out and I was planning on some angel wings for my shoulders and a song lyric down my spine once I get really addicted.

Specifics and placement need a lot of work, but I just fell in love with the idea.

Let me know what you think if you like. My mum says that when you think about getting a tattoo you should have a reason for getting it. After all they're permanent, and you'd hate to end up regretting it. I've met people who hate to hear the sob story behind a tattoo and find it cheesy, but if it means something to you then you won't regret it. My rosebud is a symbol of me blooming into a new person as I started my new life at uni and my little girl will tie in with my poem, and the first one I have published (fingers crossed).

Then there's the angel wings so I can fly and be whatever I want to be, the lyric 'time will be the judge of all here' which is a message I try to live by and the fully opened rose above the rosebud that's already there to signal the end of my stay at uni - although those three are in the future.

I already catalogue my life with my poetry, but there's no reason not to have two records of the same thing.

Post about Poetry

I am a little bit drunk, so I don't know how much sense this is going to make.

It was my mum's birthday party, please don't judge me.

I'm currently listening to Myles Dyer talking about writing poetry and lyrics and he said its a good way to put your thoughts down on paper (or a screen as it seems) and I can't help but agree with him on this.

I write poetry. A lot of it tends to come out sounding really depressing and cliché but I do my best. I like to try and look at the horrible things in the world and particularly upsetting things from my life and write them into something beautiful in the hope that this will help me to catalogue what happened in my life. Looking through my anthology is like looking through a diary of the things that have happened (only my old diaries are awful to read!).

When I write a poem it is like I'm immortalising what is happening in a way that lets me leave it in the past (such as bullying or unrequited love - both popular topics during high school) but a way that it will never be forgotten. I always date my poems as well, so I can look at the date and know how old I was and what stage of my life I was in at the time.

I often look back at old poems from a few years back and think how rubbish they would be to anyone but myself. I only still enjoy reading them because they invoke memories of old times and I feel like to anyone else they would be meaningless because they just don't have the same experiences I do.

But when I think about it and as I learn more about literature and the way critical reading works, I realise that I could show these poems to the world and although the reader doesn't have my experience they will draw on their own personal experience and apply it to what they are reading and interpret their own meaning from my words. When I studied Carol Ann Duffy in High School, I thought it was pointless to be looking at these poems and that it wasn't possible that she put as much thought into any of this as my English teacher thought she did, but after you write your own poetry you realise. No matter how bad you think it is when you read it back after a few years, it was once your best work and it once meant so much to you.

I don't think I'd be the person I am now if it wasn't for my poetry. So, even if I only like a few of the old ones now, I'm proud of everything I've written.

On a side note, I also met Carol Ann Duffy while I was in college and as well as being a very funny woman, it appears that she did put that much thought into her poems, and my interpretation was very different to her mindset when she was writing. But that's just how literature works I guess.

Another point I'd like to bring up is my muse. I never really thought of him like that at first but in the early days I was pretty much head over heels in love with him (infatuation, I'll admit) and I guess it was sort of pathetic, but it did inspire one of my most creative times and two of my best poems. One of these poems was destroyed (because I am an idiot) and I spent a lot of my time slagging him off with my best friend at the time. The other still exists and in my mind is one of the best poems I've written.

I didn't speak to him for almost two years and only wrote one poem in this time - for a competition at college - but after reconnecting a few months ago I wrote two and have another two in the works.

One of the written poems is about the destroyed poem mentioned earlier and my own melodrama and the other is inspired by my growing up and having to try and find myself as an adult in a new place, maybe I will share them at some point.

I guess the whole point of this rather extended (and possibly nonsensical) post is to thank Adam. Although he feels that he's not done much, he has helped to drive my creativity and make it worth writing things down. He is always the first to read my work and I think this is something he will always have privileged access to, as long as he wants to of course.