Not helping

None of this is filling me with any confidence.

My milk just turned sour.

My anti-virus database was a whole week out of date because ResNet was blocking the updates.

My debit card has been blocked because Barclays thinks that me paying rent was someone fraudulently using my card.

It's not easy trying to be grown up.

I've never experienced sour milk in my life. There are 4 people in my immediate family and we go through a bottle of milk in about two days. It never got to the point where it could go sour. We could buy four bottles a week and it'd be fine.

Mine's been open since last Sunday, so it was well over the three days that they tell you to use it by, but it still smelled and tasted okay so I didn't think there was any problem.

Luckily I didn't taste it. I knew it was getting near the cut off point so I decided I would smell it before I used it, just to check.

I was nearly sick.

I know that's the point. It's an evolutionary response. Sour milk could be harmful to me if I drank it - I could get ill, I could even die; which is most certainly maladaptive. We've evolved to find these smells repulsive so that I don't go and drink the sour milk and make myself very ill. But that still doesn't make it pleasant.

I also just made myself a cuppa to calm down before remembering I didn't have any milk. So I now have hot chocolate with no milk in it - which is actually what most people do anyway.

I wonder if I can sue the university for damages if my computer is destroyed by viruses that got in because their internet wouldn't let my anti-virus update.

When I configured ResNet it gave me a several page lecture about how I need to have up-to-date anti-virus software for my own security while I was using their internet service. I have perfectly adequate anti-virus software that I have been using for years. I've only ever had tracking cookies appear in my automatic weekly virus scans.

But this morning I discovered that my anti-virus hadn't been updated for 7 days. The internet here at university wasn't allowing the program to access the update server so that my database could be updated to the latest version.

I'm now anxiously awaiting the results of the latest virus scan. My incredibly vigilant firewall will probably have done a good job in keeping most of the stuff out - I get a request for permission when my web browsers try to access the internet! The database is up-to-date now, so hopefully it'll be okay and the scan will pick up anything that did get through.

(Another issue I'm having with programs trying to get access to internet is last.fm which also won't connect to their server to scrobble my tracks. But I'm working on that now. Help is appreciated though if you can provide it).

They say bad things come in threes.

My bank card has also been blocked. My parents keep getting phone calls at home from Barclays trying to contact me about possible fraudulent activity on my account.

I paid rent.

Granted, at a grand and a half, it's the largest payment that has ever left my account in one go. But I hold a student account with them. I received a payment from 'Student Finance England' a few days ago and then yesterday a payment to 'Lancaster University Online Payments' went out. I'm sure it's not that difficult to understand why that has happened. Now they want me to ring a number that will cost me 40p a minute on my mobile to sort out an issue that has left me with limited money.

I totally understand that logic.

So now I can't go to Waterstones tomorrow morning and buy the textbooks I need for my course. I have to go to my branch (luckily there is one on campus) and attempt to sort all of this out. And if a personal banker there can't do there will probably be a phone there that I can use for free -because God knows I need it.

I may now have to borrow the course textbooks from my flatmate Craig - who thankfully already bought them. At least till I can get them myself.

This whole 'being an independent adult' thing has hit me quite hard. I just rang my dad because I didn't know what to do. I've always thought I was quite independent but being largely independent while living in a house with your parents as a support network is completely different to waking up on campus with all of your flatmates either in bed or at sports trials. I'm getting there, but its taking me a little while.

My cuppa isn't bad without milk in it actually. Little bit more chocolatey, but obviously it was going to be.

Currently listening: Alex Day - The World is Mine (I Don't Know Anything). That is always helpful.

How much?

Three textbooks are going to cost me £110.

I don't really know what I was expecting, I mean this is part of why we get a lot of the loans and stuff. I'm not entirely sure if I should just get up tomorrow morning and go to Waterstones and get it or if I should look to see if I can get it cheaper on Amazon or something.

I may just buy them.

The lecture we had today about everything in the first year course was very daunting.

We have to read something and fill out a sheet before our first seminar and then we have to complete web based assessments before seminars and after lab sessions or something. I don't know, I'll check the handbook. When we got to our break an hour in and I went home to get a drink and a snack; I almost cried on my way out.

I had a similar problem yesterday when I was reading through the handbook. I was just looking at the rules on word counts and deadlines and research participation and instantly found myself freaking out. Obviously uni is going to be very hard work - I knew that when I signed up - I just didn't know that everything would be so strict and so difficult to get my head around.

One girl in the flat upstairs has dropped out already.

Now, don't panic (mum in particular); I'm not going to drop out. I am enjoying myself - even if I don't have the party girl attitude that most people seem to have in freshers' week. I've only consumed about 8 units of alcohol since I started on Sunday and haven't gone out with the rest of my flat (and Ollie from next door who practically lives in our kitchen) tonight. I get on really well with my flatmates, our freshers reps have exactly the right balance of partying and looking after us and every Fyldean I've met so far has been lovely. It's all just still a little scary.

I don't care if I sound boring, but I'm actually sort of looking forward to lectures starting on Monday. Yes, I'm dreading having to pay for books tomorrow and I'm almost constantly terrified that I have forgotten or will forget to do something - but once things start I can stop looking at the big picture and start to take it one day at a time. Seems much easier that way.

Side note - Alex Day's "The World is Mine (I Don't Know Anything)" just came on my iPod as I was writing - a song (and album) that pretty much sums up exactly how I feel right now. It's the perfect marriage of 'I can do anything, let's go for it' and 'everything is terrifying and I have no idea how do this'. Perfection once again appears in music. Listen at http://alexdaymusic.com/music/.

I also faced another realisation today. Last week I thought this would do one of two ways; I would love it and never want to come home or I would just be constantly homesick and go home at every opportunity. But it seems that a third option has surfaced. I don't want to go home, I don't miss Skem in any way; I feel freed from the hold that the negativity of my hometown had on me - and it is exhilarating! But I do miss the people that I've left behind. I miss my friends and family; Tash and mum. I don't want to go home, I want them to come here (they are doing tomorrow!)

It's not even the end of freshers' week yet and uni is exciting, scary, daunting and fun all in one bundle.

Let's get stuck in.

Cinema ticket for The Proposal which I went to see with a former best friend. It was pretty good if you're into Chick Flicks - Sandra Bullock was good in it. I highly recommend it :)