Great timing

I asked John Green on BlogTV today if he writes at a certain time of the day. I also asked Caroline Smailes the same question on twitter a few months ago.

I asked because I seem to write in the early hours of the morning. I mean just look at the timestamps of some of my posts. It has even got to the point where sometimes I write 4 or 5 posts in a three hour period (usually midnight - 3am) and then schedule them all to post at different times or just save them to my drafts for editing.

A lot of the time I find myself coming up with great ideas just as I'm about to go to sleep. This probably ties in with me having to go to bed during my most creative hours because of the social issues of having lectures, seminars, lab classes, note typing and shopping that all need some attention during the daylight hours. If it's the weekend then it's fine to get out of bed and type away at my computer because I don't have anything that needs to be done in the morning, but I don't have this liberty when I have a 9 o'clock lecture and have to be asleep by midnight for my full 8 hours.

What am I to do in this situation?

The other day I got myself out of bed and wrote (about birthdays http://dft.ba/-1AF). Only had a midday start so it wasn't too bad but it was still a bit of a hassle.

I've been having trouble writing poetry recently, but I've been blogging as much as possible for a similar release that I get when I write poetry. I've started a writer's notebook on the advice of a creative writing lecturer - even though I'm no longer taking that course. It's currently empty, but the fact that its there is a step forward.

Separate from this is my blogger's notebook. Which currently contains random scrawlings about my 5 people and a great (or I think it's great) idea that popped into my head earlier as I was settling down for a nap (Side note: naps are awesome, and I don't want to hear anything otherwise from my flatmates okay!).

I also lose my ability to spell at about this time, and have to proofread several times, but that's life I guess.

For the record:

John Green writes in the morning.

Caroline Smailes writes at night but sometimes in the morning - never the afternoon.

Side notes in tiny font :)

Guided tour of Mini is going to have to take a break for a while while I have no decent camera to take pictures. Please return to your hotels and enjoy the other features of this package, all at no extra cost.

4 people posts are coming soon (one of them has even been written once before I recycled it like the idiotic eco-warrior I am and now have to rewrite it). Be patient, I'm only creative three hours a day at a time where I need to be asleep!

4 people

4. Jenson Button

3. John Green

2. Sharon Delves

1. Myles Dyer.

Why?

Soon, you'll see.

What? What are you talking about? There were never 5 people on this list...

The truth is it was very hard to write a post about Stephen Fry, the man is too dynamic and pinning one aspect of him into a blog post is a challenge I don't want to try, not just yet at least.

Happy Birthday to you

I love a birthday, I love presents, I love parties, I love all of that. 'It's better to give than receive' is always said when talking about presents, and I do enjoy the careful selection process when it comes to getting someone a present. How long have I known them, is what I'm thinking of something they may already have, will they like it, how much money do I have to spend on them, would they rather just have a gift card to a shop they really like?

I'm rather against just giving people money for their birthdays, because it seems impersonal. Saying that, I did just give my brother a fiver and some Maltesers for his last birthday - but that's because I know he'd rather have just had the money to go out with his girlfriend.

But I'm not writing this post to talk about birthday presents.

I like birthday parties as much as the next person. At my age they're an excuse to get drunk, have a dance and have a lot of fun. But at the same time I'm struggling to understand why we celebrate birthdays and don't just have these parties when we need the fun.

I had a party for my 18th birthday, which was tons of fun (and about the same amount of money) and I really enjoyed getting spoilt for my big day. But when you really think about it, it's just a day. All that happened was that I survived another trip around the sun.

Which I'm not complaining about, I know some people don't get to live this long.

Very young children don't understand their birthday, they just think it is another day until they are presented with presents and cake and I genuinely believe that the purpose of most birthday parties for 1 year-olds is so that the parents can have all of their friends over and have a bit of a break (which I'm not blaming them for). But as we get older we learn to expect presents and cakes and want to plan parties for the anniversary of the day of our birth.

I didn't feel any different on the 27th June 2010 to the 26th June 2010 (well, except a little hungover), but I had suddenly gained a year on my age and was showered with gifts and money - it just seems a little odd.

Following on from this, I struggle with the idea of putting ads in the paper or posters up in public places proclaiming that someone has reached a certain age. My mum asked me if I would like them to put something in the paper saying that I had turned 18 and I said that I didn't see the point. My parents turned 18, my flatmates turned 18, my tutors turned 18, all of my friends turned 18 (except the ones that aren't 18 yet of course), I don't see why it is something that we should announce in public and have a huge celebration about. It is something that most people do at some point in their lives.

I have a completely different view of posters containing baby pictures saying 'Look who's turned (insert age here)' - those are endless fun.

I did say to her that I'd like something put in the paper when I graduate, because then I have achieved something. I will have worked hard and spent a lot of money on completing a degree and should be celebrated - as opposed to me just living for 6574 days. I bet my graduation party won't be as big as my birthday party (and I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with this), even though there is probably something more worth celebrating there.

I will have been too young to remember the first time I actually enjoyed my birthday as a special occasion and when I learned that birthdays meant presents. And I also don't remember when I realised that you would have to buy other people presents for their birthdays.

Looking at gift exchange, presents aren't really presents when you think about it. You buy each person a present on their birthday and then they'll buy you one back on your birthday. You haven't gained or lost anything (well unless you have really cheap friends). I did mention about the sense of pleasure I get when trying to select gifts and seeing the persons' reaction, so there is some gain involved with the process of gift exchange - but again its another concept I just don't seem to get.

I'm not saying we shouldn't celebrate birthdays. I love birthdays. It was the birthday of one of my flatmates yesterday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNNY) and we sang to him and gave him a card and ate cake and all had fun. I just don't think that they should be such a big deal. We all have them, once a year each to be exact, whereas things that only occur once in a lifetime don't get as much attention. I just don't think it makes that much sense.

HOWEVER: Reaching ages like 100 should warrant a huge celebration. That's something not many people do and it is worth celebrating every year after that because it's difficult to keep going that long.

I need to stop posting whilst drunk.

Blah blah blah, don't judge me, blah blah blah, this may not make sense and/or contain typos that I will read as being correct... I think you know the drill from last time anyway.

I've had more to drink tonight than I had the whole of freshers' week.

This sounds MUCH worse than it is.

I had three drinks on the second night and two on the third and that was all I drank all week.

I always ask people not to judge me when I get drunk and then write a blog post - which has only happened twice I think, but expect it to happen quite a bit in the future. I don't know what it is about the alcohol in my bloodstream that makes me want to type into my computer for anybody who may be reading. However, it's not a strategy I'd recommend, because I honestly feel like the keys are switching around on the keyboard to trick me as I'm typing.

But since freshers' week, I think the concern I've had is that people will judge me if I'm not drinking.

It comes with the 'student' label. People think we're all borderline alcoholics who drink through our student loans and then beg money off our parents for bread and milk. And while this is true of some students, it isn't true of any that I've met so far - or at least as far as I know.

While we were on our Big Night Out, my wonderful freshers' rep kept telling me not to feel bad that I wasn't drinking; as long as I was having a good time then everything was fine. At the time I didn't feel bad at all but - and it may have something to do with the idea being planted in my head - I've begun to get a little worried that people might think I'm boring if I go out and don't drink anything. Or if I come home early because I don't feel well or my knee is sore (I did discover last night for anyone with knee problems caused by poor foot posture such as mine, high heeled boots are the way forward. My feet have never given out before my knees on a night out, until last night).

My flatmates are probably reading this. Please don't tell me either way, it's not something I'd really like to know the answer to.

I don't really care if people do think I am boring, it's just something that crosses my mind when I'm in bed at midnight, only slightly tipsy, with a hot water bottle on my sore knee while everyone else is in Sugarhouse.

It occurs to me now, that I don't even know where Sugarhouse is. That's how bad a student I am.

Quitting

If you follow me on twitter (I'm surprised anyone follows me on twitter really, with the rubbish that I post) then this will be old news to you.

I mentioned in my first post that I was doing a sponsored swim and I even plugged my Just Giving page in an attempt to get anyone who is reading this to sponsor me.

This is no more.

I didn't receive any sponsors - on or offline - and when you're 4 weeks into a 12 week swim this is very disheartening. I have posted several plugs on my own twitter page, I had local radio DJs retweeting the link to my page and I asked people IRL (this means In Real Life for my mother) if they would like to sponsor me, with no luck whatsoever.

I spent almost £25 on three weeks of swimming while I was at home and I would have cost me another £170 for the college gym membership to carry on while I was here and if I wasn't raising anything more than what my family would have sponsored me towards the end, I didn't see the point. Some people will moan like "But now the charity isn't getting any money when they would have got at least some if you carried on!"

The point is that I don't see the sense in spending a lot of money for a tiny amount to be raised. There has been a negative impact there rather than a positive one. I feel really bad that I spent the £25 now that I could have donated, but I can now donate some of the rest of the money I would have spent to someone else doing something else or spend it setting up something else to raise money.

A friend of mine made a good point when I first started appealing for sponsors; I'm doing something that I've already done. I have done the sponsored channel swim before, I have a certificate to prove it. But I'm trying to raise money by doing the same thing - and it's obvious that it isn't working.

This is going to make my 'Raise £100 for charity' on my 365 days in 30 ways more difficult to do, but it also means I'll be more likely to stretch myself to do something better because I can't rely on this anymore.

I'm also going to have to work harder on 'Get back into my size 10 clothes', but it's probably a good idea that the list got a little more challenging.

I don't like quitting.

Lance Armstrong said: "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever" and this really speaks to me.

But sometimes you have to know when it is the right time to quit. And as a fresher with a knee condition who has spent a fair amount of money raising no money so far; I think I have reached that point.

Smelly facts

I own 20 bottles of perfume.

I can't always look good. I have been ill recently and have used an extortionate amount of foundation to cover up my blotchy skin tone.

I can't always wear nice shoes. I have a knee condition meaning sensible shoes are a must from 9 to 5 with heels ONLY for special occasions.

I'm limited in the clothes I can pull off. My body shape is an awkward one. Trying to maximise my breasts while minimising my stomach is rarely easy to do.

I don't have good luck with handbags. I carry a lot of stuff, so it has to be big.

But I can always smell nice.

The best trigger of memory is olfactory sensations. You can remember what a scene looked like, you can remember the noises that you could hear; you could even remember how you were feeling at the time to try and piece together a memory with varying degrees of success.

But the thing that will trigger all of these memories the most is smell. If you smell the same thing that you could smell at the time of the thing you are trying to remember; the memories will be stronger than with any other sensation.

For my 18th birthday party I was wearing Velvet Hour by Kate Moss and I am reminded of this wonderful time with friends and family everytime I wear the same perfume.

My favourite bottle is Little White Dress by Avon. It's half empty because it used to belong to my mother. The scent always reminds me of her because I bought it for her as a birthday present a few years ago. If I'm feeling homesick I will simply take it out of the box and smell it and will instantly be flooded with memories of her.

She gave it to me the day I left for university - just over 1 week ago. I wore it that day. So it also reminds me of the difficulties that I faced in leaving home and the euphoria I felt when I realised that I could, in fact, do it and everything was going to be okay.

I also have shower gel that smells like food. As well as several shower gels, moisturisers and body sprays that came in sets with the aforementioned perfumes. Some people call it an obsession and say that there is no reason that I would need to smell differently everyday for nearly three weeks, but I think they misunderstand why I have so many bottles. If I borrow a bottle from a friend when I have forgotten my own, I will usually end up buying a version of that same bottle for myself - for the memories.

I am, by no stretch of the imagination, done with buying different bottles of perfume and when the ones I have run out they will also have to be replaced; which is fine as well. It's a fairly expensive habit, but its better than some expensive habits that I could have.

Not helping

None of this is filling me with any confidence.

My milk just turned sour.

My anti-virus database was a whole week out of date because ResNet was blocking the updates.

My debit card has been blocked because Barclays thinks that me paying rent was someone fraudulently using my card.

It's not easy trying to be grown up.

I've never experienced sour milk in my life. There are 4 people in my immediate family and we go through a bottle of milk in about two days. It never got to the point where it could go sour. We could buy four bottles a week and it'd be fine.

Mine's been open since last Sunday, so it was well over the three days that they tell you to use it by, but it still smelled and tasted okay so I didn't think there was any problem.

Luckily I didn't taste it. I knew it was getting near the cut off point so I decided I would smell it before I used it, just to check.

I was nearly sick.

I know that's the point. It's an evolutionary response. Sour milk could be harmful to me if I drank it - I could get ill, I could even die; which is most certainly maladaptive. We've evolved to find these smells repulsive so that I don't go and drink the sour milk and make myself very ill. But that still doesn't make it pleasant.

I also just made myself a cuppa to calm down before remembering I didn't have any milk. So I now have hot chocolate with no milk in it - which is actually what most people do anyway.

I wonder if I can sue the university for damages if my computer is destroyed by viruses that got in because their internet wouldn't let my anti-virus update.

When I configured ResNet it gave me a several page lecture about how I need to have up-to-date anti-virus software for my own security while I was using their internet service. I have perfectly adequate anti-virus software that I have been using for years. I've only ever had tracking cookies appear in my automatic weekly virus scans.

But this morning I discovered that my anti-virus hadn't been updated for 7 days. The internet here at university wasn't allowing the program to access the update server so that my database could be updated to the latest version.

I'm now anxiously awaiting the results of the latest virus scan. My incredibly vigilant firewall will probably have done a good job in keeping most of the stuff out - I get a request for permission when my web browsers try to access the internet! The database is up-to-date now, so hopefully it'll be okay and the scan will pick up anything that did get through.

(Another issue I'm having with programs trying to get access to internet is last.fm which also won't connect to their server to scrobble my tracks. But I'm working on that now. Help is appreciated though if you can provide it).

They say bad things come in threes.

My bank card has also been blocked. My parents keep getting phone calls at home from Barclays trying to contact me about possible fraudulent activity on my account.

I paid rent.

Granted, at a grand and a half, it's the largest payment that has ever left my account in one go. But I hold a student account with them. I received a payment from 'Student Finance England' a few days ago and then yesterday a payment to 'Lancaster University Online Payments' went out. I'm sure it's not that difficult to understand why that has happened. Now they want me to ring a number that will cost me 40p a minute on my mobile to sort out an issue that has left me with limited money.

I totally understand that logic.

So now I can't go to Waterstones tomorrow morning and buy the textbooks I need for my course. I have to go to my branch (luckily there is one on campus) and attempt to sort all of this out. And if a personal banker there can't do there will probably be a phone there that I can use for free -because God knows I need it.

I may now have to borrow the course textbooks from my flatmate Craig - who thankfully already bought them. At least till I can get them myself.

This whole 'being an independent adult' thing has hit me quite hard. I just rang my dad because I didn't know what to do. I've always thought I was quite independent but being largely independent while living in a house with your parents as a support network is completely different to waking up on campus with all of your flatmates either in bed or at sports trials. I'm getting there, but its taking me a little while.

My cuppa isn't bad without milk in it actually. Little bit more chocolatey, but obviously it was going to be.

Currently listening: Alex Day - The World is Mine (I Don't Know Anything). That is always helpful.

How much?

Three textbooks are going to cost me £110.

I don't really know what I was expecting, I mean this is part of why we get a lot of the loans and stuff. I'm not entirely sure if I should just get up tomorrow morning and go to Waterstones and get it or if I should look to see if I can get it cheaper on Amazon or something.

I may just buy them.

The lecture we had today about everything in the first year course was very daunting.

We have to read something and fill out a sheet before our first seminar and then we have to complete web based assessments before seminars and after lab sessions or something. I don't know, I'll check the handbook. When we got to our break an hour in and I went home to get a drink and a snack; I almost cried on my way out.

I had a similar problem yesterday when I was reading through the handbook. I was just looking at the rules on word counts and deadlines and research participation and instantly found myself freaking out. Obviously uni is going to be very hard work - I knew that when I signed up - I just didn't know that everything would be so strict and so difficult to get my head around.

One girl in the flat upstairs has dropped out already.

Now, don't panic (mum in particular); I'm not going to drop out. I am enjoying myself - even if I don't have the party girl attitude that most people seem to have in freshers' week. I've only consumed about 8 units of alcohol since I started on Sunday and haven't gone out with the rest of my flat (and Ollie from next door who practically lives in our kitchen) tonight. I get on really well with my flatmates, our freshers reps have exactly the right balance of partying and looking after us and every Fyldean I've met so far has been lovely. It's all just still a little scary.

I don't care if I sound boring, but I'm actually sort of looking forward to lectures starting on Monday. Yes, I'm dreading having to pay for books tomorrow and I'm almost constantly terrified that I have forgotten or will forget to do something - but once things start I can stop looking at the big picture and start to take it one day at a time. Seems much easier that way.

Side note - Alex Day's "The World is Mine (I Don't Know Anything)" just came on my iPod as I was writing - a song (and album) that pretty much sums up exactly how I feel right now. It's the perfect marriage of 'I can do anything, let's go for it' and 'everything is terrifying and I have no idea how do this'. Perfection once again appears in music. Listen at http://alexdaymusic.com/music/.

I also faced another realisation today. Last week I thought this would do one of two ways; I would love it and never want to come home or I would just be constantly homesick and go home at every opportunity. But it seems that a third option has surfaced. I don't want to go home, I don't miss Skem in any way; I feel freed from the hold that the negativity of my hometown had on me - and it is exhilarating! But I do miss the people that I've left behind. I miss my friends and family; Tash and mum. I don't want to go home, I want them to come here (they are doing tomorrow!)

It's not even the end of freshers' week yet and uni is exciting, scary, daunting and fun all in one bundle.

Let's get stuck in.

Cinema ticket for The Proposal which I went to see with a former best friend. It was pretty good if you're into Chick Flicks - Sandra Bullock was good in it. I highly recommend it :)

Mini So Far

The Guided Tour.

Coming Soon.

I finished unpacking today :) including my 'wall of stuff'.

I will be showing and explaining each item (or group of items so it doesn't take too long) over several posts. Watch this space.

Spoiling the Ending

Should you continue to read or watch something if you already know how it is going to end?

I don't mean re-reading a book or re-watching a film. I mean its the first time you've encountered the art in its entirety but you already know the end (or the big twists).

My prime example is The Sixth Sense. In case anyone reading hasn't seen it for some bizarre reason. I won't spoil it - but I think that knowing the end means you will watch the entire film differently. Personally, I only found out the end when I saw the end of the film but then when I watched it for the second time. I watched it completely differently.

I'm talking about this because I started a new book recently - and between the blurb and the first chapter I think I just about know what is going to happen. I have read some reviews and a lot of them have said that a lot of the story is based around how it is told - which is how it should be. This is encouraging me to carry on even though I may have spoiled the ending for myself.

And of course there is always the possibility that I'm wrong.

Did you watch The Sixth Sense for the first time when you already knew the ending? Have you continued to watch a series after discovering spoilers? Do you think it spoils the experience?

Currently listening: Awkward Ballads for the Easily Pleased - Tom Milsom

Searching...

Eeeeeek, like I moved in yesterday.

I haven't quite finished unpacking yet, but its mostly just my wall that is left to go up and I need to sort out a place for my towels and then it will feel like home.

Currently I'm sat in bed, in an empty flat, a little bit drunk, with a hot water bottle on my sore knee listening to Myles Dyer's podcast at http://boo.fm/b193690

The search for Mini starts now.

I'm looking forward to finding her.

365 days in 30 ways update: Today I met up with Marinassia in the bar who I met on the Fylde Facebook Freshers group. Number 3 done :)

Re: Spontaneity

I didn't just get in, I swear.

Have a busy day ahead of me so told my mum I'd be home from the best friends at 2. And technically I was - I just went back out again :)

I blame Tash, she's a bad influence.

Yay for spontaneous decisions, I'm 18 years old, it's about time really.

I didn't think I would miss home all that much when I left but I think I'm really going to miss the Morgans and their influence on me. But one of them drives so they're not that far away.

Night people, busy day of packing then an even busier day of moving faces me this weekend.

Spontaneity

My mum got a tattoo today. She's been threatening to do it for ages but she just went today and got it done. Her best friend was going to get the shading done on her tat and my mum just rand up to see if she could have one as well. She now has a ladybird - little bit bigger than life size - on her left shoulder.

She turned 42 on Monday.

It was a very spontaneous thing for her to do. I've always been one to air on the side of caution and not jump into things but if she had done that today then she wouldn't have a beautiful tattoo. The most impulsive thing I've done recently was decide to leave some of my books at home rather than pack them to take them to uni - and this wasn't that impressive because I had already packed them and have had to unpack them. The only other thing that I can think of is when I submitted my choices for my uni modules and had to choose my minor for the first year. I had a lot of indecision for a while and then I decided I would go with creative writing and submitted it before I changed my mind again. But even this was due to my mother - I told her my options and she thought it was a good idea.

I know from my last 18 years that I'm one to change my mind a lot so I think it'd be a huge leap for me to do something as permanent as get a tattoo because I'd be too worried that I'd most likely end up hating it in a couple of years - which is one of the most disastrous things you could do. I mean I can still change my mind about the books again before I go to uni. I can come back home and pick them up if I need them. I have the first three weeks of term to change my minor if I don't like it.

I think spontaneity is a good thing as long as you do it properly. Most decisions should be thought through properly, especially if they're going to have some bearing on the rest of your life. But if you've already decided to do something like this, why not just spontaneously decide to go and get it done while nobody is expecting you to.

I plan to do something spontaneous during freshers week. Watch this space.

365 days in 30 ways.

Myles Dyer is definitely inspirational (http://blade376.com/?p=409)

365 days. 30 things. Let's get going.

1. Bake cakes for my new flatmates.

2. Get a poem published.

3. Meet up with someone I met online.

4. Raise £100 for charity.

5. See a famous comedian live.

6. Pass the first year of my degree.

7. Keep my cacti alive (I have little hope that my orchid will make it a year).

8. Meet someone famous.

9. Go to the Torchwood paving slab in Wales.

10. Learn to play poker.

11. Go to Pride.

12. Go on the London Eye.

13. Pass the 21 Day Challenge (have I jinxed this by putting it on 13?).

14. Stop being superstitious.

15. Fit back into my size 10 clothes.

16. Learn sign language.

17. Swim in a river/lake.

18. Join a writers' society.

19. Have a snowball fight with strangers.

20. Be part of a flash mob.

21. Take a first aid course.

22. Get a Henna tattoo.

23. Get a job.

24. Get a book signed.

25. Take up yoga.

26. Have a nerdfighter t-shirt custom made.

27. Sell something on eBay.

28. Cook a meal for my best friend.

29. Blog about all of the things that are on my 'wall of stuff'.

30. Have regular blog readers who aren't my mother :)

365 days starts now. Full report on 1st October 2011 to see how I've done. And of course there will also be regular updates when something is achieved.

Watch this space :)