Humanity

So, many of you will know I'm home for the holidays. A few of you will know that I don't like my hometown because of a lot of the people in it. But yesterday I was in McDonalds and I heard something that was a little bit heartwarming.

I will admit, I'm the kind of person who doesn't always clean up after themselves in fast food restaurants. I do it most of the time, especially if I know the people working there, but if I've had bad service or I don't like the person who is working I will leave it for them.

Most of the time I will do it myself because there are plenty of people who don't do it and I have had to clear up after other people in order to be able to sit at a table before now. It isn't pleasant and the people who work there aren't employed to clean up after you because you're too lazy to do it yourself.

Yesterday I saw some chavs eating Happy Meals; not uncommon considering where I live. Including one I went to school with, accompanying who I can only assume was his younger brother. Upon finishing his brother put the boxes on the tray and went to pick it up. His younger brother said, in the snottiest voice I've heard out of an under 10 'But aren't they here to clean up after us?'

To which the elder brother snapped back 'No. It's nice if you do it yourself.' Well, I could have cried. This isn't something that you hear in Skem, that's not how Skem works.

Genuinely amazing moment.

Maybe it's a little sad how heartwarming I find this. Maybe I've just got such low expectations of Skem that this is absolutely amazing when it happens. But it happened, and it made me happy.

MINI NEWS: I am getting a tattoo on the 8th January. It's booked, I've designed it, and now I've told everyone I'll feel like a tit if I back out. So excited. Pictures to follow, watch this space.

Guided tour of Mini will be resuming normal service from this moment. I have my own 14mpx camera and took some photos on my mothers camera before I left uni, so let's explore the wall shall we?

This is a picture drawn of me by the lovely Danielle at the start of LVI. My skin is blue because I'm cold, my hair is red because it was back them and the boobs were only put in afterwards when I took my jumper off and stopped swamping my figure.

The text reads: To Mini. Happy Jew Day. Love Danielle.

I'm not sure if that is racist.

The unicorn covering the speech bubble was drawn by the wonderful Sammy Holden, who will be a famous artist someday and I have three Sammy Holden originals, all of which will get featured together in a different post.

As for the contents of the speech bubble... I'm not saying :)

Twitter vs. Facebook

I got an @ reply from my uncle on Twitter a couple of weeks ago. I didn't even know he was following me; I was understandably confused. After this he preceded to spam me until I got sick of it and blocked him.

Yesterday I got a friend request from a random person named Mohammed on Facebook. We had one mutual friend - a girl who always accepts friend requests from people she doesn't know.

Two forms of social networking, they can't be that different, right?

I tend to know the people I add or accept on Facebook. I tend not to know the people I follow or that follow me on Twitter. I find it works better this way.

I tend to use Facebook to stay in touch with people. Even if they're people I'm likely to see on a daily basis - my flatmates or my Fylde bar sports family. Facebook chat is cheape

r than a series of text messages, writing on people's walls is a fun way to leave a message to make someone smile and poke wars are often fun; even if they can be annoying. I tend to clear out the people I don't speak to from my friends list at regular intervals - or whenever I feel I need a change.

I tend to use Twitter to stalk celebrities. There's no other way to put it, that's what Twitter is for. That and spam. I've spoken to three of my favourite authors (@realjohngreen, @Caroline_S and @maureenjohnson) and if it wasn't for Twitter I'd have never read the books of the first two. I've had creative discussions with YouTubers who I find inspiring (@hexachordal, @blade376 and @eddplant) and even football discussions with a local radio DJ (@paulsaltysalt). I also follow Stephen Fry, but so does everyone else on twitter. I get excited when I get retweets or @ replies from people with lots of followers and I like keeping an eye on trending topics.

Thing is, when people who I usually speak to on Facebook go onto Twitter and talk to me there, it sort of freaks me out. And if someone who follows me on Twitter tried to add me on Facebook I'd likely decline their request. The two worlds shouldn't really meet.

Of course there are exceptions, but its a general rule.

There is also a huge difference in the content that I post on both. Facebook is often censored, stuff I don't mind people I am likely to encounter daily asking me about. Twitter is the o

pposite. I tweet moany crap and passive aggressive statements to nobody in particular.

The main difference in content probably comes from the fact that my parents, my flatmates and most of the guys that I find remotely attractive on Facebook aren't on Twitter. Or if they are, they're not following me. And that's the way it should stay.

Guided Tour of Mini:

You can't read it very well but it says 'All the bestest lasses are called Caroline!' I recieved it from the lovely @Caroline_S, who I mentioned earlier, when I won a competition for a signed copy of her book. It's a recent addition to the wall but it has pride of place right at the top.

P.S. This is not an invitation for people who do know me to start following me on Twitter. Please don't.

On the train home...

I hate trains.

I mean we all have some sort of disdain for public transport, a lot of the time you would rather be driving than having to share your locomotive with a bunch of strangers who would be weirdoes and there always seems to be at least one that is. But I actually hate trains.

I'm currently typing on the train. This isn't all that weird but there are people who are looking at me funny with my widescreen laptop (I get the same look in lectures, but it's the most beautiful thing I own so it doesn't bother me) perched on my knee typing away like my life depends on it. The train to Preston was hell, delayed for half an hour and nowhere to sit; worried I was running over peoples toes with my suitcase and almost not able to get off. It wouldn't have been a disaster to not be able to get off, I could have just gone straight to Wigan but I didn't pay to Wigan so I may have got in some trouble there.

I don't know what makes trains any more scary than buses. I got 4 buses a day almost every weekday for 2 years and although the thought of leaving the house to start my 1 hour commute to college filled me with dread almost every morning – it wasn't the bus part of the experience that was the negative part. Buses and trains are not that much different. Trains are actually more reliable and if they are going to be delayed you know about it in advance and usually know approximately by how much as well, something you don't get with buses. At some point I've had to run for both. They both follow pretty strict routes and trains are faster. Train drivers can't just choose to change their route and not take you where they are supposed to take you because of snow or traffic (I'm talking to you Number 3 bus driver who decided not to go to New Look and dropped us at the side of the road instead). All in all you'd think that trains would be the preferred mode of public transport.

And yet I hate them.

Maybe it has to do with the fact that 95% of the train journeys I have made have been carrying a significant amount of luggage. I did nearly run over several pairs of feet on the train from Lancaster to Preston and trying to carry a laptop in its bag along with a suitcase and a bag of stuff that wouldn't fit in the suitcase is not the easiest thing for a 5"2' woman to achieve. But I carried the same luggage from my room to the bus to get to town centre, and this wasn't as stressful. It was still stressful mind, just not as stressful. So that doesn't seem to be it either.

I was thinking about this, and all of my previous experiences with trains. If you look at my family you'd expect me to have a fear of buses rather than a fear of trains – my mother can't stand buses. But I couldn't think what it could be that induced this emotional response when it came to the thought of having to get a train on my own. In fact the first time I ever did get a train on my own I broke down crying because I didn't want to do it.

And then I remembered. I can't remember how old I was at the time, but my mum was really into cross stitch and she would go to a cross stitch and craft fair with her friend every year. And I had gotten really into cross stitch as well so I was going to the same fair. On the train. But, because I was so young I had been stupid enough not to go to the loo before we left. Needless to say, we were on the train and I was really desperate for a wee. The train toilet was out of order. We were stopping at another station before we got to Manchester but there wouldn't be enough time to get me off and into the loo. So my mum did what you could do back then with young children, took me to the train doors so I could have a wee on the platform while the train was stopped (obviously this gives you a clue as to how young I really was). The train doors closed (on my Godmother's arm if I remember rightly, because she had tried to stop them) and we were still on the platform. Our tickets, my mum's bag, all of the other stuff we had brought with us were on the train with my mum's friend. Naturally, being a young child I started to cry, I had no idea what it was that we were going to do. I was young, I didn't understand trains; I didn’t know what to do. It worked out fine; we just got on the next train and were lucky enough that nobody asked us for our tickets.

Maybe this one event has had an effect on me for the rest of my life. I do manage to get trains; I'm on one now. In fact this is my 6th in the last 6 days. But I still get a sinking feeling when I know that I have to leave the house to go and get a train somewhere. Maybe next time I get the train I'll try going somewhere where I don't need any luggage and we'll see how stressful that is. But maybe I will just be scared of trains for a while to come, but often my life is about facing fears (such as leaving my room and walking around a very slippy campus to a lecture).

Anyway, I'll be home by 5, which is when this will probably be posted because you're not actually here with me at this point. My dad is picking me up from the station but will be a bit late because he has to work, but a lift greatly reduces the stress of the journey overall because buses in Skem are much more stressful than their counterparts anywhere else I will tell you that now.

Another thing that really annoyed me was when I was on my train from Lancaster to Preston it rushed past campus. An hour after I left campus. Seems like such a waste of time and energy to be doubling back on myself, but that's just the way the world is built!

Advent calendar dilemma

When do you eat your advent calendar chocolate?

I feel like a big kid still having an advent calendar at the age of 18, but I’ve done it for the last 17 Christmases in a row so why would I stop now? I think the most childish part of it is that my mother bought me my advent calendar again.

For anybody interested, it’s a Mars one, which means it isn’t quite as good as the Cadbury one I had last year, but it is still pretty good. The window for Christmas Eve is really big as well so that’ll probably be a fun-size Mars bar I imagine.

But there is a dilemma which I face every morning when it comes to eating my advent calendar chocolate. Obviously you have to brush your teeth before you leave the house (although this doesn’t seem to be obvious to some people in my lectures, but so is life) but this will have an effect on your enjoyment of the chocolate.

The basic problem I have is: do you eat your advent calendar chocolate before or after you brush your teeth?

If you eat it before, then the taste of the chocolate gets washed away when you brush your teeth. However, if you eat it afterwards, the chocolate will taste funny. So, what do you do?

The bestest says she brushes her teeth, eats breakfast and then eats her chocolate, which seems to make sense as a logical sequence for when it comes to eating chocolate. But, I don’t eat breakfast. And I brush my teeth after breakfast if I ever get it because food gets stuck in my brace.

I still don’t know what to do in relation to eating my advent calendar chocolate and brushing my teeth. If anyone fancies giving me a solution that still allows me to have my daily December fix of chocolate in the morning before I have to go and do something else but allows me to have the most enjoyable chocolate experience that will last me the whole day.

Am I overthinking this? I should probably just eat my damn chocolate and get on with it.

365 days in 30 ways update: I received a parcel in the middle of last week, which contained a signed book by my lovely name twin Caroline Smailes. It also had a post-it-note which says ‘All the bestest lasses are called Caroline’ which now has pride of place at the top of my wall, which I will be able to resume showing you in January.

Number 24, checked off.

Songs

I'm crying and homesick so I thought I'd blog before I go to bed. I was watching BlogTV and Tom Milsom (http://www.youtube.com/hexachordal) and Eddplant (http://www.youtube.com/eddplant) were singing beautifully but they ended on three songs which made me blub like a little girl. Three songs that remind me of my family. They would have only needed to whack out a bit of Eminem and Rihanna to get the big 4 and send me into a spiral.

1. Time of Your Life - Green Day

I don't know why this reminds me of my mum, but it does. Its most likely the memories of us listening to it after I left high school and what a happy time in my life it was.

2. Book of Love - Peter Gabriel

I know this song from Scrubs - JD's last episode. And I always used to watch Scrubs with my dad on my free afternoons in college before he went back to work. So naturally my brain makes the link between this and my dad. Plus I blubbed like a baby at the last episode of Scrubs, so you know, classical conditioning.

3. Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's

I thought I was going to explode when I saw someone suggest this in the comments. This one reminds me of my brother. When I was doing my GCSE music in high school I sang this song for my practice performance exam in the December of my final year. My brother was supposed to play the guitar for it but he left because of serious bullying. This one made me cry the most. It always reminds me of Chris and of home and of a bad time in my life so I pretty much started crying the second the first two notes were played on the guitar.

This isn't particularly articulate. Its almost half 2 and I promised myself an early night for Tash coming up tomorrow. But this is something that happened tonight, and I wanted to remember this moment - after all, that's why I started doing this.

People in the chat said they were recording the BlogTV as well. I really hope I can find Tom and Edd's versions of these songs tomorrow morning on YouTube.

F1 baby

I have to write half a lab report for the 29th November and a 2000 word essay for the 3rd of December. What have I done today?: Watched the F1 season review on iPlayer.

This time last week Sebastian Vettel took the F1 world championship. I now have my weekends back - okay it was only every other weekend, but it was about 6 hours every other weekend - and all I have to look forward to over the winter is seeing how the driver market will take shape. The 2010 season had 18 incredibly exciting races (and one boring one) that drew to a close last Sunday with incorrect tactical decisions leading to the underdog taking the title.

The only thing is, I haven't stopped talking about it yet. Here, to people in lectures and lab classes, to the sports guys down in the bar, you name it; they're all sick of me.

My brain comprises of 85% song lyrics, 10% F1 nonsense, 3% Doctor Who trivia and 2% everything else.

And that's just who I am (I was going have my percentages not adding up to 100%, but decided against it). I don't really watch the football much anymore - saying that I only watched it when it was on BBC, ITV or Five anyway because we don't have Sky Sports - although I do still enjoy watching a good game of football regardless of who is playing; the tennis season ended months ago and I don't have time for figuring out when the athletics are on. I especially have no time for The X Factor or I'm a Celeb... but that's a whole different blog post (which I probably won't write).

Formula One is my sport (And whoever says it isn't a sport can just leave right now! How many non-athletes can withstand 5 times the force of gravity on their neck muscles and lose 3kg of sweat in an hour and a half? Get real), I strongly support certain drivers and strongly dislike others. I like watching daring overtaking manoeuvres, I pray for rain to mix up tyre decisions and strategies and it makes my Sunday (or Friday or Saturday for that matter) when someone crashes. And, no, this doesn't make me sadistic or evil - anyone who says they don't enjoy it in F1 when someone crashes is just lying, no doubt about that (for the record, its fun as long as nobody gets hurt, because then it's just scary).

(I actually have a separate twitter account for F1 tweets, so my followers don't hate me on F1 weekends. @MiniMF1 if you're interested).

Random fact of Mini's life: The computers in the Levy Lab are named after F1 drivers, which is an endless source of amusement for me. For the last two weeks I have circled the lab trying to remember where each 'driver' is and identifying which ones are my favourites (Button, Webber, Hamilton) and which ones I cannot use on pain of death (Alonso and Schumacher). Nobody else quite understands this and I guess it is a little odd, but aren't we all from time to time?

Rumour mill: I've heard that Nico Hulkenberg may be Mercedes reserve driver for 2011. Now is it just me or does this seem like a step down from the race seat and the pole position he had at Williams? Think about it.

Are you happy with where you are in life right now?

Myles Dyer (this guy again) was talking about life in his podcast - as he seems to do a lot - and I was inspired - as I seem to be a lot.

So yesterday http://dft.ba/-milesboo he asked what 5 things you would change about your life.

I couldn't help but think what I would change. And I thought maybe this could be a running thing, every 3 months I re-evaluate and see what I would like to change in my life in three month intervals.

Well, let's see if I stick to it eh?

1. Not speaking to my mum everyday - I used to check on her each night before bed and if she was still up we'd sit and chat until she was so tired she pretty much told me to f*ck off. Since I've moved out we speak most days on Skype, but it's just not the same.

2. Not living 30 seconds away from my best friend anymore - I had a huge argument with my mum once and it was just a 30 second walk up the road to a cuddle and a mug of hot chocolate with my beloved Tash. Now she's 45 minutes away by car and neither of us can drive.

3. Not being able to properly use my hand - this is a long term thing that I'm sure many of my IRL friends are sick of hearing about. I've not been able to use my right hand properly since the morning of the 29th January 2010 because it hurts between my little finger and ring finger. I'm having to try and adapt my writing style, but it's easier said than done.

4. Being unhealthy. In general I don't eat enough fruit and veg or do enough exercise and I guess it comes down to a lack of time mixed with a bit of laziness (which I'll be the first to admit). I gave up on my sponsored swim due to having no sponsors, so that won't have helped and being a student a lot of my food choices are based on how much time there is till my next lecture, what food is actually in the cupboards and how much washing up they will create, so I'm off to a very bad start. The jar of chocolate spread in the cupboard probably isn't a good idea.

5. My knees. Inevitably this was going to be on the list. It's not a serious condition - and hopefully by this time next year it should be mostly gone as the cartilage matures - but my chondromalacia patella gets worse this time of the year because of the cold weather. This usually is an excuse to go out an buy funky tights to try and keep warm but the fact of the matter is that it is painful and there isn't much I can do about it except rest with my hot water bottle (which, by the way, is never a bad thing).

I guess this list means that my life is pretty good. There isn't anything drastic in my life that needs to be changed, I'm not living somewhere I hate, I'm not surrounded by anyone that I hate and most things are just great as they stand.

One thing that would usually appear on a list like this is I would like to change my teeth. They've always been the only aspect of my physical appearance that I've been unhappy with. But my braces come off in three and a half weeks, so that's something that is already rapidly changing.

So, three months from now is the 17th February (two days before my bestest's birthday), I'll see you then for re-evaluation :)

To clarify, I'll see you before then as well, but not in this format.

My afternoon in tweets. (sort of)

I can't actually access twitter on my phone so I started texting tweets with a hashtag #libraryobservations (which I later found out didn't even make it to my twitter profile). I didn't want to link my computer up to the internet, because I'd just sit on Facebook and it would completely defeat the object of why I left my bedroom. However, these observations we're an excellent form of procrastination, which totally distracted from what I was trying to achieve by going to the library. At 20p a pop I decided to stop tweeting and instead started typing into a word document; satisfying two things – saving me money and making it look I was doing a lot of work (which seemed to be really annoying the girl sat opposite me).

For those who don't know, a tweet is a message of only 140 characters. Hashtags (# followed by a word) are used on twitter I presume to aid searching for trending topics (words or phrases that lots of people are tweeting about). Most of these weren't actually tweeted, but they are all under 140 characters (not including the timestamp, I added that for your benefit). You can follow me on twitter at http://twitter.com/minimarshmallow

03:37pm: Going for the @hexachordal and philosophy combination again, but in the library this time. Let's get this essay done :)

03:51pm: A guy in front of me is watching a YouTube video of a person dancing and he looks disturbingly like Tash's brother #libraryobservations

03:55pm: The Chinese girl in front of the YouTube guy has the tiniest Netbook I've ever seen #libraryobservations #notprocrastinating

04:01pm: These seats aren't very comfortable #libraryobservations

04:03pm: The girl opposite me doesn't seem to like it if I knock the table while shifting my chair #libraryobservations

04:10pm: On second thoughts, that might not be a Netbook, looks a bit like one of those mini DVD-players #libraryobservations

04:16pm: There seem to be an inadequate number of plug sockets around this place #libraryobservations

04:19pm: Orange, yellow, green and malachite… shame my essay isn't on art (#currentlylistening Indigo – Tom Milsom) #notprocrastinating

04:21pm: There are an abundance of litter bins though; and yet there seems to be a lot of litter on windowsills #libraryobservations

04:23pm: I only have three hundred words left to do #progress

04:26pm: The girl opposite me seems to be procrastinating almost as much as I am #libraryobservations

04:28pm: Favourite @hexachordal song just came on (#currentlylistening Jake's Song – Tom Milsom)

04:35pm: Just realised that if I close all of the background applications on my laptop then the battery will last longer #idiot

04:35pm: I also need the loo but last time I went in the library the toilets were awful #libraryobservations

04:37pm: Haha the girl opposite me is trying too hard to make it look like she is doing lots of work because I just started typing furiously #libraryobservations

04:38pm: Due in tomorrow and I dislike this essay. I may go home and completely reorganise what I've already written #makingthingsdifficult

04:43pm: I don't speak Chinese, but her tone makes me think that Lady Gaga is just odd in all languages #libraryobservations

05:01pm: Time to completely re-format this essay :) yay for my own idiocy and perfectionism

05:02pm: I'm sure I went to high school with him! #kitchenobservations

06:06pm: Let's not talk about hardcore porn over the kitchen table please guys #kitchenobservations

07:07pm: I skyped my dad and my best friend is there #lifeisgood

07:19pm: My dad is dissing naps and Tash is taking my side. This woman is my soulmate #marriedlife

07:39pm: "I'll hire a hot actor to be your nurse" And I get to pay for it do I Tash? #marriedlife

07:41pm: "Do me a favour, when I get old and decrepit will you put me down?" Gladly Tash, and I might not even wait till you get old. #marriedlife

08:03pm: I didn't even say anything philosophical, it was just basic logic. "Erm… we're from Skem, we don't know what logic is!" #marriedlife

08:04pm: "Isn't that what you put in your washing machine bio-logic-al" #family

08:18pm: Tash is the loudest person I know, and yet I can't hear her on Skype! "Well if you open your window…"

08:41pm: The only reason I am writing at this point is because I'm not allowed that bar of chocolate until I finish #notprocrastinating

09:43pm: I've been writing this essay with double spacing for so long I forgot what 1.15 spacing looks like!

10:30pm: When you walk into the kitchen and it smells like brownies, you know you lucked out in the flatmate department :)

10:53pm: I've hit stalemate with my essay, so I have printed a copy and I'm taking the scissors to it to try and rearrange it :)

11:09pm: I threw out a paragraph. This is going well.

I know that this post is not what you're used to. But in case you didn't notice from that ^ I'm working on an essay. Also, after deciding I didn't like the format and having an overhaul I then spent two hours and three sheets of paper trying to change it to something I liked better, before deciding to revert back to the original format.

I tweet more than I post to Facebook because my Facebook friends get a little bit annoyed if I post more than 30 updates in one afternoon. In my opinion, Twitter is made for spamming and it also helps my inner thoughts get out to a bigger audience, but at the consequence of tweets being less personal (I could write a whole post about contrasting my attitudes to Facebook and Twitter at this point, but I have an essay to write so I'll make a note about this for later).

Deadline is in 14 and a half hours. I'm still going but I should have it finished in the next hour (if I stop procrastinating on my blog that is).

HAHA I just got this twitter @reply:

@minimarshmallow Hello, need any help with your essay? You are just one click away from help! http://ow.ly/38w5g" Seriously?

Advice

Have you ever asked someone for advice about something that you've already made up your mind about?

I'm sure we've all done it at least once. But I swear I've done it at least twice in the last month.

Anyone who knows me personally (probably most of you reading this) will know that I had to change my minor earlier in the year. I had a lot of trouble with this because I just didn't know what I wanted to do and there were plenty of people pointing me in different directions that I wasn't sure I wanted to go. I ended up settling on philosophy because I had done it before. For pretty much the last 4 years in fact.

First I tried for psychology in education, because my major is in psychology so it was an obvious choice. But, because I had left it so late, the course was full. I left her my details and she said that she would email me if any places became available on the course which is when I started to look towards the philosophy department.

I got myself enrolled on philosophy, I purchased a reading pack, I caught up on half of the lectures that I'd already missed and then I received an email from the woman in psychology in education - someone had dropped out; there was room for me.

I was struck with indecision. On the one hand I had wanted to do this because it just meant more psychology and I was essentially only studying one subject instead of having to do two. But on the other hand I had spent the preceding week immersing myself back into philosophy and working extra hard to catch myself up. I guess in my head I felt that I had put in too much work to give it up and have to do the same in another subject.

But I did what I did in all situations like this, I called my mother.

I told her what had happened. I explained the two options that I now had and how far I was into my philosophy. I said that I didn't want to waste the week of extra work I had done and I definitely didn't want to do the same again; but the idea of only doing psychology was still one that was very attractive to me. My mum showed a slight bias to me changing to psychology in education.

What I hadn't told her is that I had already typed a reply to the email from the psychology in education woman which read 'It's fine I have already started another minor, feel free to give the place to another student. Thank you.' and I had just decided to consult her before I pressed send. I had pretty much already made up my mind but spoke to her about it.

I did something very similar for a much less important decision a few days ago. I pre-ordered Charlie McDonnell's album in the bundle with Alex Day's from DFTBA records (http://dft.ba/Charlie). I got the order through to the PayPal stage ready to click confirm and then consulted mum about it.

I guess it links back to what I said just before I left for uni about spontaneity (http://dft.ba/-Spontaneity). I've not quite reached the stage where I can be spontaneous. I can make my mind up about a decision very quickly, but then I will seek help to back me up.

Maybe it stems from a fear of being wrong or a fear of failing and the idea that if I consult someone on a decision and they back me up then I can apply some of the blame to them for what went wrong. (I have to stress that it is only some of the blame, after all, I had already made the decision).

And if the person I asked didn't back up my decision, well, I'd have probably moved on to someone else.

It was on an episode of Scrubs where JD asked Turk if he thought it was a good idea to do something that he had actually already done. It almost becomes a joint decision if someone is backing you up, even if that wasn't in place when you made the decision.

I guess I need an extra little push to be spontaneous.

Mini fact: I joined the pool team. Does this count? It's pretty scary because I'm largely bad at pool.

Trick or treat? (Obligatory Halloween post)

I can't remember the age at which I stopped trick-or-treating.

I remember it was the same year that my brother stopped, even though he's three years younger than I am. It's also the same year that my parents stopped giving out sweets to trick-or-treaters. We used to turn of the lights and go to the cinema to get away from them.

We live in an area where it is not unusual to have your house egged if you ignore them, but it they seem to have gotten tamer in recent years and it seems to be an unwritten Halloween rule that if the lights are off they will assume that you're not in.

I lived in the same house for 15 years. Having studied memory, I know that that is as long as I can remember. We did live in a flat before that but I wasn't old enough at that time.

When you've been going trick-or-treating on the same street for at least a decade, you learn a little something about the people that live in the same place as you. You know which ones are 'never in', you know who gives the best sweets, who is likely to trick you, who will be dressed up as well, who will give you money and even the exact house that the old man who gives you the tangerine lives in. You know which houses have different people in from last year, who has a dog and who has kids and roughly how old they are.

I didn't realise until recently that you learn something about your neighbours on Halloween that you wouldn't learn any other time of the year. It also doesn't seem to be as useful as anything you would learn any other day of the year, but the point still stands.

The last year I went trick-or-treating I went with my best friend at the time in her estate rather than my own. It's a refreshing experience when you go trick-or-treating somewhere new, and you get all new sweets and new faces but I can't help but think back and think that I should have done my last round in my own street, for the memories more than anything else, but as is life.

This year I went out with my best friend. We dressed up (like the big kids that we are at heart), and we went out clubbing and got drunk in fancy dress. My skirt was so short she spent the entire night following me around pulling it down but overall the whole experience was good.

I don't know when the shift happened. Less than half a decade ago I was dressed as a much more innocent looking; last minute, makeshift zombie; with a different best friend asking strangers for sweets and we fast forward to the 18 year old me in the shortest skirt of my life and a pair of fishnet tights and high heeled boots (which did not last all night I will tell you now).

In Mean Girls, they say that 'Halloween is the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.' When does this occur? When do you stop seeing Halloween as a fun way to get free sweets and start seeing it as an 'excuse' to dress like a slut and get drunk?

I mean, from what I've seen, most people don't need an excuse.

I'm not going to go into if I think it is begging and if children should do it and some of the extreme measures I've seen mentioned regarding it (laxative chocolate so they won't call again next year) because I don't think it's worth the debate. For me Halloween has always been fun and I think that is what it will stay as.

My definition of fun has just changed considerably since I was 5.

Great timing

I asked John Green on BlogTV today if he writes at a certain time of the day. I also asked Caroline Smailes the same question on twitter a few months ago.

I asked because I seem to write in the early hours of the morning. I mean just look at the timestamps of some of my posts. It has even got to the point where sometimes I write 4 or 5 posts in a three hour period (usually midnight - 3am) and then schedule them all to post at different times or just save them to my drafts for editing.

A lot of the time I find myself coming up with great ideas just as I'm about to go to sleep. This probably ties in with me having to go to bed during my most creative hours because of the social issues of having lectures, seminars, lab classes, note typing and shopping that all need some attention during the daylight hours. If it's the weekend then it's fine to get out of bed and type away at my computer because I don't have anything that needs to be done in the morning, but I don't have this liberty when I have a 9 o'clock lecture and have to be asleep by midnight for my full 8 hours.

What am I to do in this situation?

The other day I got myself out of bed and wrote (about birthdays http://dft.ba/-1AF). Only had a midday start so it wasn't too bad but it was still a bit of a hassle.

I've been having trouble writing poetry recently, but I've been blogging as much as possible for a similar release that I get when I write poetry. I've started a writer's notebook on the advice of a creative writing lecturer - even though I'm no longer taking that course. It's currently empty, but the fact that its there is a step forward.

Separate from this is my blogger's notebook. Which currently contains random scrawlings about my 5 people and a great (or I think it's great) idea that popped into my head earlier as I was settling down for a nap (Side note: naps are awesome, and I don't want to hear anything otherwise from my flatmates okay!).

I also lose my ability to spell at about this time, and have to proofread several times, but that's life I guess.

For the record:

John Green writes in the morning.

Caroline Smailes writes at night but sometimes in the morning - never the afternoon.

Side notes in tiny font :)

Guided tour of Mini is going to have to take a break for a while while I have no decent camera to take pictures. Please return to your hotels and enjoy the other features of this package, all at no extra cost.

4 people posts are coming soon (one of them has even been written once before I recycled it like the idiotic eco-warrior I am and now have to rewrite it). Be patient, I'm only creative three hours a day at a time where I need to be asleep!

4 people

4. Jenson Button

3. John Green

2. Sharon Delves

1. Myles Dyer.

Why?

Soon, you'll see.

What? What are you talking about? There were never 5 people on this list...

The truth is it was very hard to write a post about Stephen Fry, the man is too dynamic and pinning one aspect of him into a blog post is a challenge I don't want to try, not just yet at least.

Happy Birthday to you

I love a birthday, I love presents, I love parties, I love all of that. 'It's better to give than receive' is always said when talking about presents, and I do enjoy the careful selection process when it comes to getting someone a present. How long have I known them, is what I'm thinking of something they may already have, will they like it, how much money do I have to spend on them, would they rather just have a gift card to a shop they really like?

I'm rather against just giving people money for their birthdays, because it seems impersonal. Saying that, I did just give my brother a fiver and some Maltesers for his last birthday - but that's because I know he'd rather have just had the money to go out with his girlfriend.

But I'm not writing this post to talk about birthday presents.

I like birthday parties as much as the next person. At my age they're an excuse to get drunk, have a dance and have a lot of fun. But at the same time I'm struggling to understand why we celebrate birthdays and don't just have these parties when we need the fun.

I had a party for my 18th birthday, which was tons of fun (and about the same amount of money) and I really enjoyed getting spoilt for my big day. But when you really think about it, it's just a day. All that happened was that I survived another trip around the sun.

Which I'm not complaining about, I know some people don't get to live this long.

Very young children don't understand their birthday, they just think it is another day until they are presented with presents and cake and I genuinely believe that the purpose of most birthday parties for 1 year-olds is so that the parents can have all of their friends over and have a bit of a break (which I'm not blaming them for). But as we get older we learn to expect presents and cakes and want to plan parties for the anniversary of the day of our birth.

I didn't feel any different on the 27th June 2010 to the 26th June 2010 (well, except a little hungover), but I had suddenly gained a year on my age and was showered with gifts and money - it just seems a little odd.

Following on from this, I struggle with the idea of putting ads in the paper or posters up in public places proclaiming that someone has reached a certain age. My mum asked me if I would like them to put something in the paper saying that I had turned 18 and I said that I didn't see the point. My parents turned 18, my flatmates turned 18, my tutors turned 18, all of my friends turned 18 (except the ones that aren't 18 yet of course), I don't see why it is something that we should announce in public and have a huge celebration about. It is something that most people do at some point in their lives.

I have a completely different view of posters containing baby pictures saying 'Look who's turned (insert age here)' - those are endless fun.

I did say to her that I'd like something put in the paper when I graduate, because then I have achieved something. I will have worked hard and spent a lot of money on completing a degree and should be celebrated - as opposed to me just living for 6574 days. I bet my graduation party won't be as big as my birthday party (and I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with this), even though there is probably something more worth celebrating there.

I will have been too young to remember the first time I actually enjoyed my birthday as a special occasion and when I learned that birthdays meant presents. And I also don't remember when I realised that you would have to buy other people presents for their birthdays.

Looking at gift exchange, presents aren't really presents when you think about it. You buy each person a present on their birthday and then they'll buy you one back on your birthday. You haven't gained or lost anything (well unless you have really cheap friends). I did mention about the sense of pleasure I get when trying to select gifts and seeing the persons' reaction, so there is some gain involved with the process of gift exchange - but again its another concept I just don't seem to get.

I'm not saying we shouldn't celebrate birthdays. I love birthdays. It was the birthday of one of my flatmates yesterday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUNNY) and we sang to him and gave him a card and ate cake and all had fun. I just don't think that they should be such a big deal. We all have them, once a year each to be exact, whereas things that only occur once in a lifetime don't get as much attention. I just don't think it makes that much sense.

HOWEVER: Reaching ages like 100 should warrant a huge celebration. That's something not many people do and it is worth celebrating every year after that because it's difficult to keep going that long.

I need to stop posting whilst drunk.

Blah blah blah, don't judge me, blah blah blah, this may not make sense and/or contain typos that I will read as being correct... I think you know the drill from last time anyway.

I've had more to drink tonight than I had the whole of freshers' week.

This sounds MUCH worse than it is.

I had three drinks on the second night and two on the third and that was all I drank all week.

I always ask people not to judge me when I get drunk and then write a blog post - which has only happened twice I think, but expect it to happen quite a bit in the future. I don't know what it is about the alcohol in my bloodstream that makes me want to type into my computer for anybody who may be reading. However, it's not a strategy I'd recommend, because I honestly feel like the keys are switching around on the keyboard to trick me as I'm typing.

But since freshers' week, I think the concern I've had is that people will judge me if I'm not drinking.

It comes with the 'student' label. People think we're all borderline alcoholics who drink through our student loans and then beg money off our parents for bread and milk. And while this is true of some students, it isn't true of any that I've met so far - or at least as far as I know.

While we were on our Big Night Out, my wonderful freshers' rep kept telling me not to feel bad that I wasn't drinking; as long as I was having a good time then everything was fine. At the time I didn't feel bad at all but - and it may have something to do with the idea being planted in my head - I've begun to get a little worried that people might think I'm boring if I go out and don't drink anything. Or if I come home early because I don't feel well or my knee is sore (I did discover last night for anyone with knee problems caused by poor foot posture such as mine, high heeled boots are the way forward. My feet have never given out before my knees on a night out, until last night).

My flatmates are probably reading this. Please don't tell me either way, it's not something I'd really like to know the answer to.

I don't really care if people do think I am boring, it's just something that crosses my mind when I'm in bed at midnight, only slightly tipsy, with a hot water bottle on my sore knee while everyone else is in Sugarhouse.

It occurs to me now, that I don't even know where Sugarhouse is. That's how bad a student I am.

Quitting

If you follow me on twitter (I'm surprised anyone follows me on twitter really, with the rubbish that I post) then this will be old news to you.

I mentioned in my first post that I was doing a sponsored swim and I even plugged my Just Giving page in an attempt to get anyone who is reading this to sponsor me.

This is no more.

I didn't receive any sponsors - on or offline - and when you're 4 weeks into a 12 week swim this is very disheartening. I have posted several plugs on my own twitter page, I had local radio DJs retweeting the link to my page and I asked people IRL (this means In Real Life for my mother) if they would like to sponsor me, with no luck whatsoever.

I spent almost £25 on three weeks of swimming while I was at home and I would have cost me another £170 for the college gym membership to carry on while I was here and if I wasn't raising anything more than what my family would have sponsored me towards the end, I didn't see the point. Some people will moan like "But now the charity isn't getting any money when they would have got at least some if you carried on!"

The point is that I don't see the sense in spending a lot of money for a tiny amount to be raised. There has been a negative impact there rather than a positive one. I feel really bad that I spent the £25 now that I could have donated, but I can now donate some of the rest of the money I would have spent to someone else doing something else or spend it setting up something else to raise money.

A friend of mine made a good point when I first started appealing for sponsors; I'm doing something that I've already done. I have done the sponsored channel swim before, I have a certificate to prove it. But I'm trying to raise money by doing the same thing - and it's obvious that it isn't working.

This is going to make my 'Raise £100 for charity' on my 365 days in 30 ways more difficult to do, but it also means I'll be more likely to stretch myself to do something better because I can't rely on this anymore.

I'm also going to have to work harder on 'Get back into my size 10 clothes', but it's probably a good idea that the list got a little more challenging.

I don't like quitting.

Lance Armstrong said: "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever" and this really speaks to me.

But sometimes you have to know when it is the right time to quit. And as a fresher with a knee condition who has spent a fair amount of money raising no money so far; I think I have reached that point.

Smelly facts

I own 20 bottles of perfume.

I can't always look good. I have been ill recently and have used an extortionate amount of foundation to cover up my blotchy skin tone.

I can't always wear nice shoes. I have a knee condition meaning sensible shoes are a must from 9 to 5 with heels ONLY for special occasions.

I'm limited in the clothes I can pull off. My body shape is an awkward one. Trying to maximise my breasts while minimising my stomach is rarely easy to do.

I don't have good luck with handbags. I carry a lot of stuff, so it has to be big.

But I can always smell nice.

The best trigger of memory is olfactory sensations. You can remember what a scene looked like, you can remember the noises that you could hear; you could even remember how you were feeling at the time to try and piece together a memory with varying degrees of success.

But the thing that will trigger all of these memories the most is smell. If you smell the same thing that you could smell at the time of the thing you are trying to remember; the memories will be stronger than with any other sensation.

For my 18th birthday party I was wearing Velvet Hour by Kate Moss and I am reminded of this wonderful time with friends and family everytime I wear the same perfume.

My favourite bottle is Little White Dress by Avon. It's half empty because it used to belong to my mother. The scent always reminds me of her because I bought it for her as a birthday present a few years ago. If I'm feeling homesick I will simply take it out of the box and smell it and will instantly be flooded with memories of her.

She gave it to me the day I left for university - just over 1 week ago. I wore it that day. So it also reminds me of the difficulties that I faced in leaving home and the euphoria I felt when I realised that I could, in fact, do it and everything was going to be okay.

I also have shower gel that smells like food. As well as several shower gels, moisturisers and body sprays that came in sets with the aforementioned perfumes. Some people call it an obsession and say that there is no reason that I would need to smell differently everyday for nearly three weeks, but I think they misunderstand why I have so many bottles. If I borrow a bottle from a friend when I have forgotten my own, I will usually end up buying a version of that same bottle for myself - for the memories.

I am, by no stretch of the imagination, done with buying different bottles of perfume and when the ones I have run out they will also have to be replaced; which is fine as well. It's a fairly expensive habit, but its better than some expensive habits that I could have.

Not helping

None of this is filling me with any confidence.

My milk just turned sour.

My anti-virus database was a whole week out of date because ResNet was blocking the updates.

My debit card has been blocked because Barclays thinks that me paying rent was someone fraudulently using my card.

It's not easy trying to be grown up.

I've never experienced sour milk in my life. There are 4 people in my immediate family and we go through a bottle of milk in about two days. It never got to the point where it could go sour. We could buy four bottles a week and it'd be fine.

Mine's been open since last Sunday, so it was well over the three days that they tell you to use it by, but it still smelled and tasted okay so I didn't think there was any problem.

Luckily I didn't taste it. I knew it was getting near the cut off point so I decided I would smell it before I used it, just to check.

I was nearly sick.

I know that's the point. It's an evolutionary response. Sour milk could be harmful to me if I drank it - I could get ill, I could even die; which is most certainly maladaptive. We've evolved to find these smells repulsive so that I don't go and drink the sour milk and make myself very ill. But that still doesn't make it pleasant.

I also just made myself a cuppa to calm down before remembering I didn't have any milk. So I now have hot chocolate with no milk in it - which is actually what most people do anyway.

I wonder if I can sue the university for damages if my computer is destroyed by viruses that got in because their internet wouldn't let my anti-virus update.

When I configured ResNet it gave me a several page lecture about how I need to have up-to-date anti-virus software for my own security while I was using their internet service. I have perfectly adequate anti-virus software that I have been using for years. I've only ever had tracking cookies appear in my automatic weekly virus scans.

But this morning I discovered that my anti-virus hadn't been updated for 7 days. The internet here at university wasn't allowing the program to access the update server so that my database could be updated to the latest version.

I'm now anxiously awaiting the results of the latest virus scan. My incredibly vigilant firewall will probably have done a good job in keeping most of the stuff out - I get a request for permission when my web browsers try to access the internet! The database is up-to-date now, so hopefully it'll be okay and the scan will pick up anything that did get through.

(Another issue I'm having with programs trying to get access to internet is last.fm which also won't connect to their server to scrobble my tracks. But I'm working on that now. Help is appreciated though if you can provide it).

They say bad things come in threes.

My bank card has also been blocked. My parents keep getting phone calls at home from Barclays trying to contact me about possible fraudulent activity on my account.

I paid rent.

Granted, at a grand and a half, it's the largest payment that has ever left my account in one go. But I hold a student account with them. I received a payment from 'Student Finance England' a few days ago and then yesterday a payment to 'Lancaster University Online Payments' went out. I'm sure it's not that difficult to understand why that has happened. Now they want me to ring a number that will cost me 40p a minute on my mobile to sort out an issue that has left me with limited money.

I totally understand that logic.

So now I can't go to Waterstones tomorrow morning and buy the textbooks I need for my course. I have to go to my branch (luckily there is one on campus) and attempt to sort all of this out. And if a personal banker there can't do there will probably be a phone there that I can use for free -because God knows I need it.

I may now have to borrow the course textbooks from my flatmate Craig - who thankfully already bought them. At least till I can get them myself.

This whole 'being an independent adult' thing has hit me quite hard. I just rang my dad because I didn't know what to do. I've always thought I was quite independent but being largely independent while living in a house with your parents as a support network is completely different to waking up on campus with all of your flatmates either in bed or at sports trials. I'm getting there, but its taking me a little while.

My cuppa isn't bad without milk in it actually. Little bit more chocolatey, but obviously it was going to be.

Currently listening: Alex Day - The World is Mine (I Don't Know Anything). That is always helpful.

How much?

Three textbooks are going to cost me £110.

I don't really know what I was expecting, I mean this is part of why we get a lot of the loans and stuff. I'm not entirely sure if I should just get up tomorrow morning and go to Waterstones and get it or if I should look to see if I can get it cheaper on Amazon or something.

I may just buy them.

The lecture we had today about everything in the first year course was very daunting.

We have to read something and fill out a sheet before our first seminar and then we have to complete web based assessments before seminars and after lab sessions or something. I don't know, I'll check the handbook. When we got to our break an hour in and I went home to get a drink and a snack; I almost cried on my way out.

I had a similar problem yesterday when I was reading through the handbook. I was just looking at the rules on word counts and deadlines and research participation and instantly found myself freaking out. Obviously uni is going to be very hard work - I knew that when I signed up - I just didn't know that everything would be so strict and so difficult to get my head around.

One girl in the flat upstairs has dropped out already.

Now, don't panic (mum in particular); I'm not going to drop out. I am enjoying myself - even if I don't have the party girl attitude that most people seem to have in freshers' week. I've only consumed about 8 units of alcohol since I started on Sunday and haven't gone out with the rest of my flat (and Ollie from next door who practically lives in our kitchen) tonight. I get on really well with my flatmates, our freshers reps have exactly the right balance of partying and looking after us and every Fyldean I've met so far has been lovely. It's all just still a little scary.

I don't care if I sound boring, but I'm actually sort of looking forward to lectures starting on Monday. Yes, I'm dreading having to pay for books tomorrow and I'm almost constantly terrified that I have forgotten or will forget to do something - but once things start I can stop looking at the big picture and start to take it one day at a time. Seems much easier that way.

Side note - Alex Day's "The World is Mine (I Don't Know Anything)" just came on my iPod as I was writing - a song (and album) that pretty much sums up exactly how I feel right now. It's the perfect marriage of 'I can do anything, let's go for it' and 'everything is terrifying and I have no idea how do this'. Perfection once again appears in music. Listen at http://alexdaymusic.com/music/.

I also faced another realisation today. Last week I thought this would do one of two ways; I would love it and never want to come home or I would just be constantly homesick and go home at every opportunity. But it seems that a third option has surfaced. I don't want to go home, I don't miss Skem in any way; I feel freed from the hold that the negativity of my hometown had on me - and it is exhilarating! But I do miss the people that I've left behind. I miss my friends and family; Tash and mum. I don't want to go home, I want them to come here (they are doing tomorrow!)

It's not even the end of freshers' week yet and uni is exciting, scary, daunting and fun all in one bundle.

Let's get stuck in.

Cinema ticket for The Proposal which I went to see with a former best friend. It was pretty good if you're into Chick Flicks - Sandra Bullock was good in it. I highly recommend it :)

Mini So Far

The Guided Tour.

Coming Soon.

I finished unpacking today :) including my 'wall of stuff'.

I will be showing and explaining each item (or group of items so it doesn't take too long) over several posts. Watch this space.

Spoiling the Ending

Should you continue to read or watch something if you already know how it is going to end?

I don't mean re-reading a book or re-watching a film. I mean its the first time you've encountered the art in its entirety but you already know the end (or the big twists).

My prime example is The Sixth Sense. In case anyone reading hasn't seen it for some bizarre reason. I won't spoil it - but I think that knowing the end means you will watch the entire film differently. Personally, I only found out the end when I saw the end of the film but then when I watched it for the second time. I watched it completely differently.

I'm talking about this because I started a new book recently - and between the blurb and the first chapter I think I just about know what is going to happen. I have read some reviews and a lot of them have said that a lot of the story is based around how it is told - which is how it should be. This is encouraging me to carry on even though I may have spoiled the ending for myself.

And of course there is always the possibility that I'm wrong.

Did you watch The Sixth Sense for the first time when you already knew the ending? Have you continued to watch a series after discovering spoilers? Do you think it spoils the experience?

Currently listening: Awkward Ballads for the Easily Pleased - Tom Milsom

Searching...

Eeeeeek, like I moved in yesterday.

I haven't quite finished unpacking yet, but its mostly just my wall that is left to go up and I need to sort out a place for my towels and then it will feel like home.

Currently I'm sat in bed, in an empty flat, a little bit drunk, with a hot water bottle on my sore knee listening to Myles Dyer's podcast at http://boo.fm/b193690

The search for Mini starts now.

I'm looking forward to finding her.

365 days in 30 ways update: Today I met up with Marinassia in the bar who I met on the Fylde Facebook Freshers group. Number 3 done :)

Re: Spontaneity

I didn't just get in, I swear.

Have a busy day ahead of me so told my mum I'd be home from the best friends at 2. And technically I was - I just went back out again :)

I blame Tash, she's a bad influence.

Yay for spontaneous decisions, I'm 18 years old, it's about time really.

I didn't think I would miss home all that much when I left but I think I'm really going to miss the Morgans and their influence on me. But one of them drives so they're not that far away.

Night people, busy day of packing then an even busier day of moving faces me this weekend.

Spontaneity

My mum got a tattoo today. She's been threatening to do it for ages but she just went today and got it done. Her best friend was going to get the shading done on her tat and my mum just rand up to see if she could have one as well. She now has a ladybird - little bit bigger than life size - on her left shoulder.

She turned 42 on Monday.

It was a very spontaneous thing for her to do. I've always been one to air on the side of caution and not jump into things but if she had done that today then she wouldn't have a beautiful tattoo. The most impulsive thing I've done recently was decide to leave some of my books at home rather than pack them to take them to uni - and this wasn't that impressive because I had already packed them and have had to unpack them. The only other thing that I can think of is when I submitted my choices for my uni modules and had to choose my minor for the first year. I had a lot of indecision for a while and then I decided I would go with creative writing and submitted it before I changed my mind again. But even this was due to my mother - I told her my options and she thought it was a good idea.

I know from my last 18 years that I'm one to change my mind a lot so I think it'd be a huge leap for me to do something as permanent as get a tattoo because I'd be too worried that I'd most likely end up hating it in a couple of years - which is one of the most disastrous things you could do. I mean I can still change my mind about the books again before I go to uni. I can come back home and pick them up if I need them. I have the first three weeks of term to change my minor if I don't like it.

I think spontaneity is a good thing as long as you do it properly. Most decisions should be thought through properly, especially if they're going to have some bearing on the rest of your life. But if you've already decided to do something like this, why not just spontaneously decide to go and get it done while nobody is expecting you to.

I plan to do something spontaneous during freshers week. Watch this space.

365 days in 30 ways.

Myles Dyer is definitely inspirational (http://blade376.com/?p=409)

365 days. 30 things. Let's get going.

1. Bake cakes for my new flatmates.

2. Get a poem published.

3. Meet up with someone I met online.

4. Raise £100 for charity.

5. See a famous comedian live.

6. Pass the first year of my degree.

7. Keep my cacti alive (I have little hope that my orchid will make it a year).

8. Meet someone famous.

9. Go to the Torchwood paving slab in Wales.

10. Learn to play poker.

11. Go to Pride.

12. Go on the London Eye.

13. Pass the 21 Day Challenge (have I jinxed this by putting it on 13?).

14. Stop being superstitious.

15. Fit back into my size 10 clothes.

16. Learn sign language.

17. Swim in a river/lake.

18. Join a writers' society.

19. Have a snowball fight with strangers.

20. Be part of a flash mob.

21. Take a first aid course.

22. Get a Henna tattoo.

23. Get a job.

24. Get a book signed.

25. Take up yoga.

26. Have a nerdfighter t-shirt custom made.

27. Sell something on eBay.

28. Cook a meal for my best friend.

29. Blog about all of the things that are on my 'wall of stuff'.

30. Have regular blog readers who aren't my mother :)

365 days starts now. Full report on 1st October 2011 to see how I've done. And of course there will also be regular updates when something is achieved.

Watch this space :)

How old?

Last week I spoke about some primary school girls and said they looked about 8. Last night I realised that I actually don't properly know how to estimate the age of anyone I meet - and have a particular problem with children (my earlier point about these girls still stands because they cannot be older than 11).

When I see a child I don't know if they should be in nursery or if they should be going to school or what level of school they should be at. I don't know at what age children would start talking, when they would be able to read or if they'd be interested in me reading to them. Which book should I read? I get very confused around young children.

When they reach about the age of 4 I am usually okay because - at least from the experiences I have with the children in my best friend's family - they tend to like me and want to talk to me and tell me what they want. If they want me to read to them they will usually present me with a book. If they want to engage in creative play I will usually be assigned a role by them and I can easily fulfil this. And at that age I can usually understand them and what they want me to do.

But at any age before this I am simply lost.

I try to draw on my own experience when trying to establish how old a child is and what it is that they will likely enjoy or want me to do - but I'm not sure when I learned to talk or read or walk or any of the developmental milestones that children go through. I'm not sure I was old enough to remember when my mum first started reading to me - but I do know that she started early; which explains a lot. Even if I had this information I'm not sure I can really generalise from my own case a lot of the time because I was a quick learner. I have seen pictures of myself from when I was very young (I couldn't tell you how old!) and I am playing with letter fridge magnets. I sort of remember learning the alphabet at about the age of 3 or 4 but I don't know if this is typical.

A similar problem arises when I'm watching programs such as '10 Years Younger'. They ask you to estimate the age of the person before and after the makeover. I realise that I can't do that either. What does a 40 year old look like? How can we have these estimates when we're always talking about people who look young for their age and comparing them with people who look older than they are. If nobody who is 40 actually 'looks 40', then how do we know what 40 'looks like'. And the same with any other age.

At least a part of this problem will be in the rise of plastic surgery and expensive creams and the fact that make-up can hide a multitude of sins. But I still stand by my point.

Is estimating ages something that most people can do or do other people get the same problems as I do? It seems to be that everyone else does it with little effort.

Currently listening: Parrot Stories - Alex Day

Smile (Happy Birthday Mummy)

It's my wonderful mummy's birthday today, so this is a post dedicated to her.

And I am going to use most of it to link you to this video.

My mum plays this song to me when I am sad and she would always play it when we were in the car if she was dropping me off for an exam.

It is impossible to listen to this song and be sad at the same time!

So maybe someone has been mean to you, maybe you're stressed or worried about something, maybe you've ill... I don't suppose it matters. Just listen to this song and there will be a smile on your face.

So lets all wish a HAPPY BIRTHDAY to the woman who gave me life, and SMILE for her :D

(P.S. I had plenty of ideas for a blog post today and I settled on one, then half way through writing it I decided that I didn't like it. Of course at this point I had forgotten the other ideas so this post is coming out now rather than in the afternoon when it was planned for. Normal service will resume shortly).

Post about Poetry

I am a little bit drunk, so I don't know how much sense this is going to make.

It was my mum's birthday party, please don't judge me.

I'm currently listening to Myles Dyer talking about writing poetry and lyrics and he said its a good way to put your thoughts down on paper (or a screen as it seems) and I can't help but agree with him on this.

I write poetry. A lot of it tends to come out sounding really depressing and cliché but I do my best. I like to try and look at the horrible things in the world and particularly upsetting things from my life and write them into something beautiful in the hope that this will help me to catalogue what happened in my life. Looking through my anthology is like looking through a diary of the things that have happened (only my old diaries are awful to read!).

When I write a poem it is like I'm immortalising what is happening in a way that lets me leave it in the past (such as bullying or unrequited love - both popular topics during high school) but a way that it will never be forgotten. I always date my poems as well, so I can look at the date and know how old I was and what stage of my life I was in at the time.

I often look back at old poems from a few years back and think how rubbish they would be to anyone but myself. I only still enjoy reading them because they invoke memories of old times and I feel like to anyone else they would be meaningless because they just don't have the same experiences I do.

But when I think about it and as I learn more about literature and the way critical reading works, I realise that I could show these poems to the world and although the reader doesn't have my experience they will draw on their own personal experience and apply it to what they are reading and interpret their own meaning from my words. When I studied Carol Ann Duffy in High School, I thought it was pointless to be looking at these poems and that it wasn't possible that she put as much thought into any of this as my English teacher thought she did, but after you write your own poetry you realise. No matter how bad you think it is when you read it back after a few years, it was once your best work and it once meant so much to you.

I don't think I'd be the person I am now if it wasn't for my poetry. So, even if I only like a few of the old ones now, I'm proud of everything I've written.

On a side note, I also met Carol Ann Duffy while I was in college and as well as being a very funny woman, it appears that she did put that much thought into her poems, and my interpretation was very different to her mindset when she was writing. But that's just how literature works I guess.

Another point I'd like to bring up is my muse. I never really thought of him like that at first but in the early days I was pretty much head over heels in love with him (infatuation, I'll admit) and I guess it was sort of pathetic, but it did inspire one of my most creative times and two of my best poems. One of these poems was destroyed (because I am an idiot) and I spent a lot of my time slagging him off with my best friend at the time. The other still exists and in my mind is one of the best poems I've written.

I didn't speak to him for almost two years and only wrote one poem in this time - for a competition at college - but after reconnecting a few months ago I wrote two and have another two in the works.

One of the written poems is about the destroyed poem mentioned earlier and my own melodrama and the other is inspired by my growing up and having to try and find myself as an adult in a new place, maybe I will share them at some point.

I guess the whole point of this rather extended (and possibly nonsensical) post is to thank Adam. Although he feels that he's not done much, he has helped to drive my creativity and make it worth writing things down. He is always the first to read my work and I think this is something he will always have privileged access to, as long as he wants to of course.

I don't know if I'm reading too much into this

I'm doing a sponsored swim (shameless plug: www.justgiving.com/MiniChannelSwim) so I've been spending a lot of time at the pool recently. You get to see an odd cross section of people when you spend a lot of time in one place - from the old women who are trying to stay mobile to the semi-professional swimmer who has their own swimming hat and nose clip to the cocky but attractive lifeguard and not forgetting the fat guy who is actually fitter than I am. It's almost a fascinating study of human behaviour if I wasn't too busy concentrating on breathing properly so as not to drown.

As much as I find myself fascinated and interested at the kinds of people I see, I also sometimes get a shock. It usually comes when I see someone I know but don't like or a type of person you wouldn't expect to be doing serious exercise.

But today I got more than a shock. I was so horrified by what I heard I had to start blogging again just to tell you.

The local schools take the children swimming once or twice a week and they put all of the girls in one big changing room and all of the boys in another with one member of staff each. The children all run in and unlock the door while the teacher signs them in. It's how we did it when we were young and obviously it still exists because I've seen it three times in the last two weeks.

But today, as a bunch of primary school girls (no older than 11 but only looked about 8) run in to go and get changed, I hear "No way, Katie is the skinniest girl in the class" followed up a few minutes later by "I'm only joking Katie, you're not really".

I was horrified by this! I guess I felt like the girl was indirectly calling Katie fat. In my eyes this is almost like bullying. I wish I'd been able to catch their teacher to tell her what I'd heard, but even if I had I'm not sure if she'd have laughed at me or not.

I don't know if I'm reading too much into it from my perspective I heard a girl who is no older than 11 indirectly telling another girl who is also no older than 11 that she at least is fatter than someone else in the class.

I didn't think that girls cared about their figures the figures of other girls before at least 13, but I don't know, that's just my personal experience. Maybe because I was always thin but was an early developer when it came to breasts so I had what you would imagine to be a good figure at the ripe old age of 11, but when I was in primary school we were all busy laughing at boys and seeing how naughty we could be and still get away with it. Bullies would pick on what colour hair you had or if you were smart; not your figure.

Am I reading too far into this? Or have primary school girls really changed so much in the 7 years since I was one?